Hope N the Word

Last week end I worked myself into a frenzy.  I was feeling very sad, depressed and lonely.  I was having a massive pity party.  I brought on the beginning of a flare:  dizzy, fatigue, excruciating pain in my leg and hip and confusion.  I recognized what was happening and before it became a FULL ON FLARE, I stopped!  I became still.  I hit the power switch to off position and praised God as hard as I could.

I have known for quite a while now that my blessing is coming.  God WILL bring me the desires of my heart.  I also know that I have gotten back on track with my walk and that I am now on the path that the Lord has laid before me.  I am keenly aware that knowing and doing this, will bring on every attack that satan can possibly throw my way.  I just wasn't as ready for it as I thought.  Took my breath away.

I have a friend that pointed out to me that I should look around me.  That I am already receiving a glimpse of the blessing that is coming down the road, that I am already receiving a preview of that blessing. 

Let me give you some back story:  I am truly happy when I see people being blessed.  I am not jealous and I don't begrudge others.  I rejoice with them and for them!  I do, however; sometimes get in my flesh and wonder - "why not me?", "when is it my turn?" , "how much longer?"  when, when, when....

My friend told me (I will paraphrase because I can't quote word for word), you have this awesome job where you are able to enjoy lush landscapes, spa like pools, Jacuzzis, gourmet kitchens and the plushest of beds in "near mansion" homes.  (Granted - I don't want a micro mansion, I believe they offer too much space to become lonely.)  All I have to do to enjoy those amenities is - make sure my client's homes are secure and their pets are well loved and taken care of while they are away.  Bonus!!!  Because, I happen to LOVE animals!!!  He said, "do you realize you are probably only part of 3% of the population that gets to enjoy that lifestyle and you don't have to pay for it? Enjoy those mini vacations that the Lord is providing you."

Wow!  Heck yeah!  Not only do I not pay for vacations - I GET PAID TO TAKE THEM!

Thank you, Lord for my friend that holds me accountable to my thoughts and actions.  Thank you, Lord for my dear, sweet friend that helps keep me on the path that you have put before me and is so patient with my impatience. 

I praise you for you many blessings and I give you all the glory for providing me with this awesome "job."

Thank you for Little Vacations.

Ok - I have been working on this awesome Bible study for several days.  Some may not understand how this could possibly tie into a blog for Lupus & Chronic pain sufferers, but if you will bear with me and read it all the way through - I feel you will be blessed as I have been by this study.  We are in the Lord's jubilee and my God is on the throne and He performs miracles, every - single - day.  Every day that I go without pain or minimal pain - I count it as blessing and I count it as a miracle.  On the days that I am ravaged with pain - I count it as time to lean on Him.  I count it as time to study His word and as time to share his word.  So, here we go:

Luke 4:18-19 "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord." -  (this scripture is in red, meaning it is spoken by Jesus.  Do you see it????  He has come to preach deliverance to the captives; aren't chronic pain sufferers a type of captive?  We WILL BE delivered) Jesus is giving the purpose of His Spirit-anointed ministry.  All those filled with the Holy Spirit are called to share this message.)

Isaiah 61:1-2 "The spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he that sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;" - (When Jesus began His ministry, He quoted these verses and applied them to Himself.  Jesus did not include the end of Isa 61:2 when he quoted this prophecy, since the "day of vengeance" would not occur until his 2nd coming. 

Isaiah 58:6 "Is not this the fast that I have chosen?  to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?"  - (The fast that God approves, comes out of love for Him and genuine concern for those that are oppressed.  Giving tithes and offerings does not free us from the responsibility of giving to the poor.  And there are MANY wealthy, poor people.  Oxymoron?  I think not.  Wealth does not only refer to money.)

II Chronicles 20:20  " And they rose early in the morning, and went forth into the wilderness of Tekoa: and as they went forth, Jehoshaphat stood and said, Hear me, O Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem; Believe in the Lord your God, so shall ye be established (stay safe); believe his prophets, so shall ye prosper (succeed)."  - (Also reference Isa 7:9 "...if ye will not believe, surely ye shall not be established."  Are you safe?  Do you listen to the prophets?)

John 9:39 "And Jesus said, For judgment I am come into the world, that they which see NOT might see; and that they which see might be made blind."  - (This is a reference to opening spiritual eyes of those blinded by the world and satan.  Satan is the king of lies - do not hear him.  He will convince you that you are sick or broken and that no one cares for you and that you cannot hope to move forward.  But I have a HOPE!  And I have a future!  And He is the KING OF KINGS!!!!)

Do you want freedom from sin, fear and guilt?  (aka - satan's domain) - Here is how:  "If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed." John 8:36.  "To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified (set apart) by faith that is in me."  Acts 26:18.  Both of these scriptures are written in red, meaning - JESUS declared this!  Oh sweet freedom!

We must gain a deep realization of the need and misery of all people, resulted from sin and the power of satan.

Isaiah 34:8 "For it is the day of the Lord's vengeance and the year of recompenses for the controversy of Zion."  - Even though this scripture is speaking in the context of destruction of the Edomites that is coming soon from God.  Isaiah is prophesying of a coming judgment on all the unregenerate.  II Samuel 8:13-14 shows where all Edomites became servants of David.  Psalms 137:7 shows that there will come a time at the end of history when the Holy Spirit will lead His people to pray for diving retribution upon the arrogant, unrepentant and ungodly. 

Satan's "lease" on this earth will not last forever.  Why not take that freedom now?  Why wait until the children of God can no longer hold out and begin to pray for final judgment?  "And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth?"  Revelation 6:10.  This is not to say that as children of God, we do not cry out for the lost, but the day is coming that the children know it is a losing battle and we need the Son of man to come and end the war!

Revelation 6:10 is NOT a prayer of personal vengeance, it comes from concern for God, righteousness and the suffering of His people.

Lamentations 4:21-22 "Rejoice and be glad, O daughter of Edom, that dwellest in the land of Uz; the cup also shall pass through unto thee:  thou shalt be drunken, and shalt make thyself naked.  The punishment of thine iniquity is accomplished, O daughter of Zion; he will no more carry thee away into captivity:  he will visit thine iniquity, O daughter of Edom; he will discover (reveal) thy sins." - Jeremiah prophesies Judah's captivity will come to an end when God's purpose for her affliction is achieved.

Let's rejoice in the acceptable year of the Lord!  We do not have to be bound by sickness and pain.  Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  Now pick up your sword and put on the whole armour of God and get in the battle!

"That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;  But speaking truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted (held) by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto edifying (building up) of itself in love."  Ephesians 4:14-16 (KJV)  Speak truth.  Speak love.  That goes for self-talk too.  How can we love others, if we do not love ourselves?  How can we work patience and faith, if we do not exercise our faith and have patience with our very own lives? 

"Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor:  for we are members one of another."  Ephesians 4:25 (KJV)  This goes back to where I said Job's wife would have been better off giving Job constructive criticism (A 5 x 8 Storage part 1).  We must speak to each other truthfully.  Be honest here, who hasn't told a white lie in order to save someone's feelings?  Instead of lying, we should speak God's word.  Lies will not help anyone go through the gate of Heaven.  This isn't to say that you should just slam someone with the first thought that pops into your head.  Speak truth with love.  How about this?  Pray BEFORE you open your mouth.  And then trust that the words God gives you - are the right ones!  BAM - IMAGINE THAT!

"Behold, God will not cast away a perfect man, neither will he Help evildoers."  Job 8:20 (KJV) 

"And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise."  Hebrews 6:15 (KJV)  See that word?  Patiently - frequently we have to go through storms to receive God's blessing.  Because if we just get the blessing, we don't appreciate it.  For example:  If a 16 year old works and earns the money for their 1st car, more times than not; no matter what a clunker it is, they will treasure it like the best rolls royce on the road.  Then you see kids, whose parents have bought them a brand new car - how long do a lot of those last?  6 months maybe?  Why?  They didn't work and sweat for it.  It is just STUFF to them.  There was no patience, there was no storm, there was no love - just give it to me.  God blesses the truth and God blesses work and God blesses love.

I have LOTS of questions for God.  I frequently question the motive behind the storm.  I get mad and I rant and rave.  And yes, I even get mad a God!  Oh my goodness, did she just ADMIT that?!?!?  What kind of person gets mad at God?  How could she?  I can because I am not a robot.  I can because anger is an emotion.  I can because God gave me a free mind and a free heart.  I can because sometimes I don't know who else to be mad at.  But here is the line - I get mad and I scream at God and I cry to God and I feel sorry for myself to God - but I NEVER deny God, I NEVER denounce God, I NEVER curse God.  And just like my mother, He loves me no matter what.  And he knows that I will scream and cry and question and then when I have gotten it all out, I will quiet and then I can HEAR what he has to say to me.  It all boils down to this, I am not REALLY mad at God and He knows it.  He knows that I am mad at my own self.  I am angry that I have gotten myself into some sort of pickle by jumping the gun or moving where I didn't belong and now I need a rescue.

"And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.  For all these things do the nations of the world seek after:  and your Father knoweth (realizes) that ye have need of these things.  But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you."  Luke 12:29-31 (KJV)  If we look to God first, He will show us the way and He will provide all that we need.  My problem is that I always think I need something before I truly do.  Just like with my sickness - I was in a hurry to get answers and medication.  God has shown me to work my faith in this situation, because it is all unfolding in His time.  And even better than doctor's answers and medication - the Great Physician is doing a work in me!  I am better than I have been in 7 years!  Hallelujah!

"Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.  But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."  James 1:3,4  Trust, have faith in God's greater plan for your life.   Exercise your faith - this is where patience is found.

As my friend Amy says, "peace out with love."

Divorce is never easy.  My things have been packed away in my Mother's garage for months.  On Saturday, I moved them all to a storage facility.  I was do depressed to see that after 24 years, my life was compacted into a 5' x 8' storage unit.  I kept looking at it, thinking "this is it?  This is all I have to show for a 24 year relationship???"  Those feelings of complete and utter failure began to creep in.  What kind of woman divorces her husband of 21 years?!?!?  How can I possibly be a Godly woman?  Who will ever have me?  Why couldn't I have tried harder or tried differently?  Why? Why? Why? How?  When?  and on and on...

The answer is that it is just my STUFF!  It is not my heart.  It is not my soul.  It is not my god!  It is stuff.  Stuff is like Doritos - they make more.  My marriage didn't work, we both failed and no one is more to blame than the other.  We both failed each other and we didn't give up without a fight.  It was not a matter of "oh well, it didn't work, move on."  No, it was 24 years of trying and failing.  I know in my heart that I tried everything I could think of and that I prayed and prayed.  Some may think I am fooling myself, but I know the truth - God answered my prayer, by opening the door and showing me the way out. 

I am so blessed and so many times, I don't take the time to recognize it.  I am always ready to move on to the next thing.  I haven't spent hours and days working on a particular study in a very long time.  It has been quite refreshing and enlightening, to say the least.  I have a friend that I do some studying, praying, worshiping and praising with.  This friend pointed something out to me a few weeks ago (you know who you are, friend);  I was told by my friend "you are the most impatient person I have ever met!"  The fact that I lack patience is not surprising to me, but the fact that it seems to impede my life; was pretty surprising. 

So, I would like to share what I have been studying with all of you, in hopes that you may also be blessed.  Here goes:

Who suggested that Job's spiritual integrity be tested?  Satan said that Job only served God because he was rich & blessed.  "Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side?  thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.  But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face."  Job 1:10,11 (KJV)

What permission did God grant satan, in testing Job?  God gave satan permission to take all that Job had, but could not lay a physical hand on Job.  "And the Lord said unto satan, Behold, all that he hath in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand.  So satan went forth from the presence of the Lord."  Job 1:12

Satan took away Job's riches, his cattle, his sheep, brought disease and pestilence to his fields and his children.  Job lost EVERYTHING.  Job cursed the day that he was born and questioned God's goodness, but that was just that - questions.  Job NEVER cursed God.  He wanted to die, but he never cursed God. 

To quote a friend "In times past, I always thought it was not a good idea to let the Lord know about your frustrations.. just opening your heart to him, often times we hear preachers talk about "questioning" God, how its not a good idea to do that,, the things is, HE already knows oun very thoughts,,He knows what goes on in our puny little mind.. so yes, God is a big GOD,, he can handle it when we just open up,,lay down our frustrations, our disappointments, our questions, but, in all things Always give Thanks,, for we know that everything has a purpose... Even the wicked for the day of destruction."

"Hold your peace, let me alone, that I may speak, and let come on me what will.  Wherefore do I take my flesh in my teeth, and put my life in mine hand?  Though he slay me, yet will I trust him:  but I will maintain mine own ways before him.  He also so shall be my salvation:  for an hypocrite shall not come before him."  Job 13:13-16  Job wanted to die to escape the pain and misery, but he knew where his salvation came from and he refused to stand before the throne as a godless man.  He knew deep down, that all that was happening to him was for a reason and even if he didn't understand it now, it was not for naught.  He had FAITH!

"For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth:  And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God:  Whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another; though my reins be consumed within me."  Job 19:25-27  Job knew that God has reason for this period in his life.  He knew that he must work faith and patience and that he would come through on the other side.  He knew that he would SEE God!  He knew that he knew that he knew.

Job's wife could not stand all that was lost, she begged Job to curse God and die.  "Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still remain thine integrity?  curse God, and die."  Job 2:9  She should have offered Job what we call "constructive" criticism.  Even though it is sometimes hard to hear, we need to hear from our closest loved ones when we wander from God-given path. 

It all goes back to my questions on Saturday:  What have I done?  Is this it?  Who will have me?  Why didn't I try harder?....  I walked through the door that God opened.  I have since learned that I am a GOOD wife!  I am a Godly woman!  I am stronger and wiser than I ever thought possible.  I have a path set before me and I WILL follow it.  God has someone just for me and when I am ready - that someone will be there, to be my prayer partner, my teacher, my student, my friend and yes, my constructive critic.  Until then, I will continue on this journey of God working patience in me.

To be continued in part 2

I went to my appointment with my doctor at the O.U. Physicians Specialty Clinic today.  He got the labs back that I had done last week at the Indian Hospital in Tahlequah.  He said "I have good news and bad news, your ANA is definitely elevated and your Double Stranded DNA test came back elevated and positive.  Which means no more inconclusive results.  You definitely have Systemic Lupus.  The good news is that I can now refer you to the rheumatologist." 

Not sure how I feel yet.  Before it was hard because the closest diagnosis I could get was Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disorder (because the double stranded DNA kept coming back "inconclusive").  So, even though he could tell me it was Lupus, he couldn't diagnose it on paper.  Now it is real.   I feel so much better than I have in YEARS, and during all the time that I was so very sick, my test results were inconclusive.  Now, I feel almost normal and the tests are positive.  So confusing....

Most of my appointment was spent with my doctor calling to try and get me in to the rheumatologist.  I just got the call from his nurse - I have an appointment in September, 2016.  Yes, you read that correctly, my appointment is 15 months away. The rheumatology clinic in Tulsa doesn't accept my O.U. scholarship, so I have to wait to be seen in Oklahoma City.  Just glad I feel better and I am able to function most days.  I think if I was still in the gutter, that 15 month wait would have killed me.  As it is, I will just bide my time and keep doing what I am doing.

On a totally awesome note:  When I weighed in for my appointment today, the computer system would not let the nurse continue inputting information on me until she REMOVED my Morbidly Obese diagnosis.  I am so thrilled!  I have worked so hard, for so long to lose weight.  Next stop - have the Obese diagnosis REMOVED and changed to Average Weight!!!!  I can do this! 

God has brought me this far and He is going to get me to the finish line.

I went to the indian hospital this morning to get my labs done (so that my doctor at OU will have them for my appointment July 7), I also needed a refill on my Lyrica and the cream I put on the lupus rash on the sole of my foot.  (all my other prescriptions come in the mail).  My mom and I went to Tahlequah last night and stayed in a motel, so that she could be at the dentist first thing this morning.  So, we get to the hospital, she goes down to dental and I head over to the lab.

The lab tells me that my orders have expired and that I need to go and speak with Dr. Newton's nurse.  So down the hall and across the building I go.  I wait about 1/2 hour for the nurse to put in the order.  So back across the building and down the hall I go, back to the lab.  Get my labs done, pronto.  Go downstairs to wait in the dental clinic for mom.  She gets done pretty quick and upstairs we go to pick up my prescriptions.  The pharmacist calls me back and says that my prescriptions have expired and that I will need to go talk to Dr. Newton's nurse - so back down the hall I go.

Lucky me!  Robin (her nurse is standing at the front desk), I tell her what I need and she says, "Dr. Newton is gone all week, and you haven't been assigned a PCP yet.  I can't do anything today."  I explain for about the millionth time that I do not live in Tahlequah and can't just turn around and run up there for my prescription that they won't mail.  She says, "well, ALL your prescriptions have been cancelled, Dr. Newton won't be seeing you anymore until you get a PCP.  You can go to the urgent care clinic and maybe they will give you your medicine."  I told her, "no way!  I won't go back to urgent care.  Thank you though." and I left.

Man!  I couldn't get out of there fast enough!  Go to the urgent care, she says...HA!  I will NOT!  Last time I went to that place, they nearly killed me and tried to send me home unconscious and non-responsive.  Hello?  Forget it!  I do not trust the urgent care AT ALL! 

So, now I just hope that my lab work get forwarded to my OU doctor by the 7th.  Before the indian hospital decides they can't do that either.  I gotta get those results!  My referral to rheumatology depends on them!  I can figure out how to crap $300+ a month to pay for Lyrica and who knows how much for the foot cream.  I have already tried the road to get a rheumatology appointment without a referral - road is closed!

I am so frustrated and tired of fighting about my health care!  I just thank God that I am not in the middle of a major flare right this moment.  Wonder how long that will last without the Lyrica?

Rant over - thanks for reading

My devotional today was awesome!  As soon as I read it, I began to SPEAK out loud all that I am grateful for!  And you know what?  It made me sooo happy!  And I had an awesome day!  Matter of fact I was blessed with being one step closer to getting my referral to the rheumatologist!  How's THAT for blessings for a grateful heart! 

So, I can't think of any other way to show my gratitude than to share my devotional with all of you!  Here it is:

STEP OUT IN GRATITUDE:

"Give thanks to the Lord,"  Psalm 105:1

Thank you, Lord, for carrying me through this day.  Thank you Lord, for strengthening me beyond my circumstances today.  I prais you, Lord, for Your healing hands surrounding my heart.  Thank you, Lord, for quieting my anxious thoughts.  I praise you, Lord, that You work all things together for my good.  Thank you, Lord, for protecting the innocence of my children.  I praise you, Lord, that You never allow me to take a single step withouth Your guidance.  Thank you, Lord, that You are Lord over all my relationships.  Thank you, Lord, for being Lord over every area of my  life.

One morning during my quiet time, I changed my whiny petitions into confident statements of gratitude.  Although at the time my situation felt overwhelming, I decided to be hopeful and thankful instead of discouraged and fearful.  It was a step of faith that got me going in the right direction.  My prayer life was permanently altered that day as I learned the power of praise.

Amen!

(Strength for the Climb:  Kristin Armstrong p. 174)

Is that fabulous or what?!?!?  I am amazed that she gathered the spirit of gratitude from that ONE little scripture.  I frequently read my Bible and get so much out of either a short scripture or even from one that I have read over and over and then one day, it just hits me - what it REALLY means and I NEVER saw it before!

I am determined to change my mindset to be more grateful and faithful and I am pretty sure I found the prescription that I was looking for! Thank you, Lord, for helping me pick out the devotional that had this excerpt.

I feel better than I have in 7 years.  The "flare" that I was in for years seems to have subsided - Praise God Almighty! 

I still have my days that I just can't seem to stay awake (like last Saturday - I think I slept about 14 hours) - some of that may also be a little bit of depression - I feel pretty lonely at times and bored.  Then there are still days of dizzy spells and just all over aching in my bones and joints, but I muddle through.  My boss is phenomenal about my issues and she tries so hard to be understanding and deal with my issues.  Thank the good Lord for her, she is not only my boss, but one of my best friends!  I love her like my little sister.

I am trying to get back to me - Who am I?  I pray and study about who I am and who I want to be.  What is my legacy?  I hope I am remembered a kind and caring woman.  That my sense of humor prevails through my sickness and my bad attitude days.  I don't want to be remembered as "Grammy got sick a lot and had to lay down"  I want to be remembered as fun Grammy, smart Grammy, loving Grammy...the Momma that gave good and sound advice and always "loved me" no matter what.  I want to be remembered for my kids and grandkids knowing that I was their prayer warrior.  That no matter what time of day, anyone can call or email with a prayer request and that I was on it, PRONTO!

I want to get to the place where I am able to continue my Grandma's legacy - helping missionaries in the Indian Reservations of our country - she had such a heart for all the little native american children.  She wanted more than anything to reach each and every one of them and make sure they had a pastor or little church to go to.  I always say that I am going to start tithing to her pastor up in North Dakota, and then I don't do it.  (Ok - this is where you guys hold me accountable to do that on my next payday May 29th)   He was her pastor in a little tiny Indian church in far NE Oklahoma and then God moved him to ND, but he drove thru a snow storm to be here to preach at my little Grandma's funeral - he loved her, just as we all do.  And he misses her too.  She touched so many lives and prayed up so many miracles and she was the recipient of so many miracles.  She was the sweetest soul that I think I have ever met - but tough when she needed to be (she had to, she had 5 kids, plus me).

That is the legacy I want to leave....

Jesus said, "I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

As the Kathy Trocolli song goes - "take your candle, and go light your world."

I am just sitting here thinking - May is Lupus Awareness month and what should I write about that?  Then it dawns on me - - - there are so many companions, spouses, parents, friends of Lupies, and they must wonder to themselves "what can I do for her/him?"

You really wanna know what you can do for your Lupie?

You can hold their hand.  You can just sit quietly by their side when they are having a bad day - I know that it helps me, just to know that someone is there and truly cares about me, even if they can't do anything to take away the pain or the fog. 

You can READ - read all about the form of Lupus that your Lupie has.  Just the fact that you are getting educated, helps us know that you are really "there" for us.

When we are having a brain fog or slurred speach day, you can be patient with us.  Do NOT say "are you on drugs?"  That breaks our spirit and makes us want to keep everything inside.  We want to run and hide.

Go to our doctor appointment with us.  Our brains are operating on "Lupus Time" and we don't catch everything the doctor says.  We walk out of most appointments more confused than before our diagnosis.  That time when everything was up in the air and we were trying to explain to the doctors how we were feeling and it was like they didn't hear us.  We need you to be our ears, so that a few days after the appointment; when we start absorbing the information - you can help us fill in the blanks.

Keep a list of our medications, diseases (because we all have overlap diseases) and ALLERGIES in your wallet.  That way you ensure that we are prepared for any emergency - because I can tell you, in an emergency situation, our brains turn to total mush.

Support, empathize, educate yourself, help us physically and emotionally.  Do NOT pity us!  Pity doesn't help us and it doesn't help you either.

More than anything else - - - BELIEVE US!  If we are telling you about what is going on or acting strange (fatigue, strange symptoms, muscle cramps, brain fog, new pains, etc.) - don't question whether we are really having that symptom.  We have been through enough with doctors trying to pinpoint the source of our illness - we don't need your disbelief to add to our already painful and lonely existence.  It is one thing to question the types of symptoms or what they feel like, but please do not question whether or not we are really feeling them.

We live in pain and confusion and sickness.  We do not need the guilt trips.

I hope this helps to give some insight to you caretakers out there.

I did it! I survived an 11 hour class on Monday and 9 hours yesterday! (not including the prerequisite classes I had to take)  And I am  now a Doula!!!  Yay me!

I am pretty tired and mentally drained, but I did it!  My head is swimming and at this moment - I couldn't tell you much of what I learned.  But it is in there - I just have to wait until I am not so drained, so that I can KNOW what I learned. 

I really wanted to become a Doula - had I known it was a real job, I would have done it years ago.  I have wanted to go back to school for a very long time.  Tossing around a Native American History degree with Paralegal, so that I could go to work for my tribe.  It is still an interesting topic for me, but it just never felt "right."  And nothing else appealed to me either.  Then I found out about Doulas and it was like "This Is IT!  This is IT!!!"  And everything just kept falling into place - the money to pay for the classes (thank you to my fairy god-mothers), the scheduling, the fact that I haven't been flaring.  I believe it was a God thing and can't be convinced otherwise. I have been so very excited and could hardly wait for the classes to start. 

 Once I signed up for the classes, I started having doubts - I wondered "what about the days that I have to use a walker, how in the world can I help a woman in labor?"  Or, "what about the days that I just can't think straight, how can I help a woman in labor?" I had so many doubts and concerns roaming around in my head.  But I was determined to at least get through all the classes.  I was soooo thrilled when I walked into that first class and saw that the teacher, who is also a Doula - was in a WHEEL CHAIR!!!

Halelujah! Praise the Lord!  If she can do it from a wheel chair - I CAN DO IT WITH A WALKER!!!

I am so happy!  I cannot wait to start my new journey! Bring on the pregnant mommies!

Do not ever doubt yourself - if it is your calling, God will make a way for you to do it!