I feel better than I have in 7 years. The "flare" that I was in for years seems to have subsided - Praise God Almighty!
I still have my days that I just can't seem to stay awake (like last Saturday - I think I slept about 14 hours) - some of that may also be a little bit of depression - I feel pretty lonely at times and bored. Then there are still days of dizzy spells and just all over aching in my bones and joints, but I muddle through. My boss is phenomenal about my issues and she tries so hard to be understanding and deal with my issues. Thank the good Lord for her, she is not only my boss, but one of my best friends! I love her like my little sister.
I am trying to get back to me - Who am I? I pray and study about who I am and who I want to be. What is my legacy? I hope I am remembered a kind and caring woman. That my sense of humor prevails through my sickness and my bad attitude days. I don't want to be remembered as "Grammy got sick a lot and had to lay down" I want to be remembered as fun Grammy, smart Grammy, loving Grammy...the Momma that gave good and sound advice and always "loved me" no matter what. I want to be remembered for my kids and grandkids knowing that I was their prayer warrior. That no matter what time of day, anyone can call or email with a prayer request and that I was on it, PRONTO!
I want to get to the place where I am able to continue my Grandma's legacy - helping missionaries in the Indian Reservations of our country - she had such a heart for all the little native american children. She wanted more than anything to reach each and every one of them and make sure they had a pastor or little church to go to. I always say that I am going to start tithing to her pastor up in North Dakota, and then I don't do it. (Ok - this is where you guys hold me accountable to do that on my next payday May 29th) He was her pastor in a little tiny Indian church in far NE Oklahoma and then God moved him to ND, but he drove thru a snow storm to be here to preach at my little Grandma's funeral - he loved her, just as we all do. And he misses her too. She touched so many lives and prayed up so many miracles and she was the recipient of so many miracles. She was the sweetest soul that I think I have ever met - but tough when she needed to be (she had to, she had 5 kids, plus me).
That is the legacy I want to leave....
Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12
As the Kathy Trocolli song goes - "take your candle, and go light your world."