Hope N the Word

"as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12

No matter what you have done, no matter what anyone says. Once you became a Christian, your slate was wiped clean. And any sin you have committed since then is forgiven the minute you ask for forgiveness. 

I am not offering a "free ticket" to sin here. What I am saying is that once you become a Christian, you are a new creation. And that new person inside of you does not "want" to sin and so when your flesh wins and you make a mistake; your new heart will convict you to ask forgiveness.And once you ask, He forgives. His word says that He throws it "as far as the east is to the west."  And God is not a man that He should lie, so when He forgives you, it is done, over, no more, FORGOTTEN.  I was raised being told that He throws our sins into the sea of forgetfulness.

I know when you make mistakes that it is easy to wallow in it and feel unworthy to ask for forgiveness. I also know that others are watching and the minute they see you slip, they are right there to condemn you. And then there are those people that won't allow you to forget your mistakes.

There was a time about 9 years ago that my daughter made a terrible decision. When she came to her senses, she repented to God,  her dad, myself, and the person she hurt. A few months went by; one day I received a call from her, she was distraught and needing advice and asking for prayer. The person she hurt was not accepting her apology (he claimed he did), but his actions and words every single day told her otherwise. She understood that because she had hurt this person, it would take time (maybe weeks, months and hopefully not years) to earn back the trust she had broken. But this person was refusing to let her. All he would do is tell her on a daily basis how wrong she was, how bad she was and would re-hash the scenario every single evening until she was broken and in tears and feeling condemned.

Even though I knew the answer; I asked her four questions:

1.  Are you truly Sorry?

2. Did you pray for forgiveness?

3. Do you believe God forgives you?

4. Will you do it again?

"Yes, I am so sorry. Yes, I prayed and yes He forgave me and No, I will NEVER do it again! I don't know how to explain how sorry I am."

I told her, "then that is ALL you can do."  You ask for forgiveness and then you let your actions prove your words.  Just because you ask forgiveness does not mean the other person is obligated to forgive you or that there are no consequences for the actions. 

Rebuilding and earning trust does NOT mean you are belittled, berated and condemned! It means you work TOGETHER to resolve the issue, not wallow in it. How long does that take? I wish I could tell you, it takes as long as it takes or until you come to the conclusion that you have gone as far as you can on your part and the other person still can't get past it (as was my daughter's case). But remember this, just as I told her - "God forgave you, God threw it in the sea of forgetfulness.  Now how dare ANYONE use it as a weapon, including you!"

God convicts, satan condemns. We are children of the most high God, we are forgiven.

"Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore." - author unknown

"People put you down enough, you start to believe it...The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?" Vivian (Julia Roberts) Pretty Woman

The first time I heard that line, I loved it. It touched my core, I thought it was beautiful, poignant, thought provoking, and so "real."  It didn't occur to me that it was also devastating.  I just went along with the fairy tale of the movie; he built her up, helped her find self-confidence, and they all lived happily ever after.

When I dig down to the nitty gritty of why I loved that line, I am sad for the woman that loved it. She loved it because she lived it.

I know how easy it is to fall for the lies and negativity about your own self. How?  Why?  I can only speak from where my mindset of negativity came from. It was a slow and gradual conditioning, some people call it brain-washing. Being bullied in elementary and middle school, hanging with the wrong crowd, looking for love in all the wrong places, being cheated on, lied to and forgotten.  Getting myself into the first of many abusive relationships, etc., etc.

Here is the short list of lies I believed (so easily): Being told I was worthless, fat, ugly, no good, damaged, lazy, fake, a drama queen, overbearing, not a real woman because I couldn't have kids of my own, no one else would ever want me, no one really cares about me. Along with many other derogatory comments about my physique, anatomy, thoughts and feelings. 

None of those things were said on a continual basis. Just at strategic and opportune times. Kind of a "kick her while she is down" thing. Over time, each person I allowed to treat me that way was worse than the last.  Until I became so immobilized that all I could think about was being in a coma. Yes, my big dream was to be comatose!

Those things eat away at your soul. They chip away at your heart. Before you even realize it, you are believing lies about yourself. Why is it that those lies are easiest to believe? Because they are usually told when you are at your lowest, when you are desperately searching for an answer to your depression and misery. Because you have heard it so long, it must be true. Because it is easier to blame yourself. 

It doesn't have to be that way. 

Do you know that it is just as easy to speak positive as it is negative? Well, maybe not at first. Especially if you are pre-programmed to speak negative. It will sound weird at first, and maybe disingenuous, but just try it. And then keep trying it. It takes 7 days to create a habit. 

So, I challenge you:  find something you like about yourself, it can be ANYTHING:  your eyes, hair, intelligence, smile, style, your cooking, your pinky toe - it doesn't matter what it is, pick something.  Now, write it on a sticky note and put it on your mirror. Read it, out loud to yourself every morning for a week. And smile at yourself when you read it. Pretty soon you will be adding to it.  Go ahead. Try it.

Find a reason every day to give yourself a positive truth. Be grateful for something. Smile at something or someone (even if you have to do it in secret). Find laughter and participate in it. Vow to stop believing the lies about you. You live inside of you - you know better than anyone what is true about your character. 

A very wise woman said something to me one day that was more thought provoking and beautiful than that quote from Pretty Woman. She said it years ago, but it was one of the sparks that helped ignite my journey out of those lies. It was a long road, but I began to have a new sense of wonder about possibilities.  I started looking in the mirror, literally and figuratively.  I dared to look at a new dream for myself that did not include any semblance of a coma.  

She said:  "Just because someone says something about you, does not make it true." 

That nugget of positive truth, led me to loving the woman in the mirror.

Who said it? Who was that wise woman?  ....my Mother.

*Picture taken 2 years ago, as a message to my brother. But got me back into notes on the mirror. The notes are a road I travel when the lies try to open their ugly mouths.

Though I realize that many people will be angry with me for what I am about to write; I have to say it. This slippery slope is one I never wanted to write about, never thought it was my platform, and honestly, I hoped it would go away.  Neverthess - here I go.

I cannot just stand idly by while Christians follow and/or propitiate a lie. I love my country, I love the foundation on which it was built. That foundation is crumbling away before our very eyes. Our government is morally bankrupt and yet Evangelicals promote the worst. I cannot keep quiet any longer. 

As Tele-evangelists, Pastors, Teachers, apostles, disciples...Christians, we are held to a higher standard. Why? Because "baby" Christians, less educated Christians, and unbelievers are watching us. This is serious business folks! Not a popularity contest. 

Just because a rich and famous preacher says something is right, is it? Just because a pastor says something or someone is good, are they? Just because some situation or person is popular within your church or church family, is it right?  What does the Word say? Check it yourself, do NOT rely on someone else's opinion or interpretation - get your Bible out and CHECK IT! 

Tele-evangelists, pastors, teachers, apostles, disciples....Christians are human. We make mistakes. We fall into temptation, we can let pride, greed and fame (popularity) get a hold on us. Unfortunately, it is possible to get so far into those temptations, that you become reprobate - you no longer know or care about right from wrong. The Bible has many warnings about this. It is called being given over to a reprobate mind.

The Bible warns us of men who have the appearance of godliness, but are not righteous (see 2 Timothy 3:1-8). In studying Romans 1:28-32, I found a very specific description of righteous men who not only stand back while the wicked to do evil; they participate in some of those evil things. Worse than that, they promote and endorse it; by encouraging others to compromise with morally corrupt behaviors!

"False prophets bring messages that contradict the words of true prophets.  They give messages that appeal to people's sinful nature and comfort their fears. False prophets tell people what they want to hear. True prophets tell God's truth, no matter how unpopular it makes them." (Zondervan Life Application Study Bible; NIV; notes section).

"Like a muddied spring or a polluted well are the righteous who give way to the wicked." Proverbs 25:26 (NIV)

Wicked in Hebrew (Râshâ "raw-shaw"):  Morally wrong, ungodly. To be wrong, to cause or declare wrong doing, to make trouble, iniquity.

"To give way" = setting aside standard of right and wrong. Compromise with evil.

Now let me break down the King James version of that same scripture:

"A righteous man falling down before the wicked is as a troubled fountain." Proverbs 25:26 (KJV)

Hebrew definitions:

Righteous - Tsaddîyq (tsad-deek): just, to be right (in a moral sense), clean.

Falling - Môwt (mote): to waiver, be carried or cast down, fallen away, exceedingly fallen into decay, be removed.

Down - Hârac (haw-răs): to pull down in pieces, break, destroy, pluck down, ruin.

Before - Pâneh (paw-neh'): fear of, accept, SERVE, to face.

Troubled - Râphas (raw-fas'): trampled, foul

The Amplified Version states Proverbs 25:26 like this: "Like a muddied fountain and a polluted spring is a righteous man who yields AND compromises his integrity before the wicked."

In literal terms: The morally right man that bows down, accepts and serves the ungodly is compromising with evil and will poison the water for others. Do you see? This is not my opinion - CHECK it!

I am not aiming to stir up hatred, dissention, or strife. I hope that you will be stirred up to get informed and educated, to read, study, and listen to your conscience. If you see what is going on and you feel it is wrong, it probably is. Check it!

It is not my desire to be popular (never been part of that crowd, why start now?), it is my desire to speak the truth, to say what others are afraid to, to be a voice of hope in the wilderness.

Even though some righteous are and will compromise with evil - MANY won't. And those are the ones to follow. How do you know whose morals have not been corrupted? Check it! 

Are they promoting something or someone who is morally bankrupt?  Do their words or actions make your skin crawl?  Do they twist the Word to meet their "needs"?  Do you get a general uneasiness about what they are saying?  Do you just get a feeling that "this isn't right"?

Well, that my friends is the Holy Spirit pricking your heart to search the truth.

And that brings me to the message of HOPE that is alive and well in all of this.  If we search the scriptures, pray, and hang onto the truth of God - we will wield our Swords and defeat the enemy by going home to be with the Lord. Check it!

"And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. But he that shall endure to the end, the same shall be saved." Matthew 24:10-13 (KJV)

"At that time many will be offended and repelled [by their association with Me] and will fall away [from the One whom they should trust] and will betray one another [handing over believers to their persecutors] and will hate one another. Many false prophets will appear and mislead many. Because lawlessness is increased, the love of most people will grow cold. But the one who endures and bears up [under suffering] to the end will be saved." - (Amplified version)

And the most "plain" modern wording, I could find:  “In the confusion, lying preachers will come forward and deceive a lot of people. For many others, the overwhelming spread of evil will do them in—nothing left of their love but a mound of ashes.“Staying with it—that’s what God requires. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry, and you’ll be saved. All during this time, the good news—the Message of the kingdom—will be preached all over the world, a witness staked out in every country. And then the end will come. - (The Message version)

This is WHY it is imperative that we break away from "popular" belief and CHECK it! 

Go against the grain.  Follow truth, speak truth, and hang on to HOPE in the Lord!

"God is not human that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and then not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19

Who hasn't been in a situation where you feel hopeless, helpless, alone, forgotten, and afraid? I admit it; I have been there more times than I care to say. Why?

The way I see it, there are only 2 possibilities to answer that question: 

1. You dug yourself into a rut, didn't listen to advice, didn't heed the warnings, thought you could do a 2 man job "on your own."  I have done all of the above.

2. You are following the call of God and trials come, "tests" if you will.  Because God called you, the devil also heard that call and sent his own messengers to trip you up. 

#2 is where I find myself at this very moment. I heard the call and I answered. The "powers" of this world met me at the door. Every road block, discouraging spirit, spirit of sickness, spirit of vileness, want, division, oppression, and loneliness has bombarded me at every turn.

Was coming here a mistake? Did I/we misunderstand His instructions? Did we veer off the path? Do I regret answering the call? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Have we made mistakes? Yes, of course we have! We are "rookie" missionaries - mistakes are part of the journey. Some of those mistakes have been our own doing, and others...well, I am not sure how to explain. I can only say this, Satan is a crafty devil and those spirits he sends to attack you - physically, spiritually and financially are very good at their job. 

Suffice it to say, I am struggling. Does my faith waiver? Sometimes. I ask Him a lot of questions. Do I get answers? Sometimes. What do I do when He doesn't answer? I wait.  Is waiting hard? Am I tempted to jump up and make my own strides? ABSOLUTELY! What do I do? I make myself buckle down. I spend a LOT of time in the Word and prayer. I search for answers and .... I wait.

Why? Why do I wait? Why would I wait on God who doesn't always answer? God, who allowed these spirits and trials to attack me? That my friends, is the easiest question in all of this.

I wait because of a Hebrew name I found in the Strong's Concordnace:

Yachal El-Elohim: to wait upon the Lord.           Yachal (yaw-kell): wait, be patient, to hope, to cause to hope, stay, tarry, to cause to trust and to wait.

I wait because I know that He sent me here. I wait because I know He will bless me (Hebrews 3:14 & Galatians 6:9). I wait because I know that my time is not the same as His time (Habakkuk 3:14). I wait because I know that He is my provider, protector and my Saviour (Isaiah 43:2). I wait because "my HOPE is in the Lord." (See my article entitled "My Hope Explained").  I wait because Romans 5:1-2 is a promise I stand on, "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we gained all access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverence; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

You see? I wait because no matter how much satan throws at me - no matter how much he whispers doubts into my ears - my faith suddenly quits waivering  and rises up in me (1 Peter 4:12-13). It floods through my veins. That minute little mustard seed in my heart, swells to the size of an oak tree within me and I cannot back down.

I wait because the Lord will never leave me or forsake me. I am His child, His princess, His heir to the kingdom. 

No matter how hungry, tired, stretched, broken, broke, or sick I have ever been - I am not alone. He is close to the broken hearted - all I have to do is cry out to Him, He will pick me up and see me through. 

If you are in a situation right this moment that you are feeling lost, hopeless, alone, and forgotten - pray! Cry out to God. Pour yourself into His Word.  Give it to him, believe and hope in Him and then, give yourself a new name: Yachal El Elohim.

Ecclesiastes - Hebrew definition: one who holds and addresses an assembly.  (Preacher or teacher)

The book of Ecclesiastes was written by King Solomon and assigned to be read at the Feast of Tabernacles. This book seems to be Solomon's list of regrets after living his life in materialism and vain glory.  It is a "what not to do" list.

"For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow." Ecclesiastes 1:18

When Solomon became king, He only asked the Lord for one thing...wisdom. He did not ask for fame, fortune, friends or family. He wanted to be "smart enough" to rule the kingdom and care for his people.

"And God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding exceeding much, and largeness of heart, even as the sand that is on the sea shore."  I Kings 4:29

With the amount of wisdom Solomon received, he became VERY famous. He was wiser than anyone else, he knew all about plant and animal life, he knew over 3,000 proverbs, He wrote 1,005 songs. Kings from every nation on the earth sent scribes and teachers to listen to Solomon speak, so they could learn from him.  

Unfortunately; the fame and fortune brought pride, women and sadly - other gods.  You may ask, "How could Solomon turn from the Lord and worship other gods?"  The simple answer is also his greatest failure. Solomon did not apply spiritual wisdom to his everyday life.

By marrying foreign women he brought on his spiritual ruin. (Foreign means other religions) The Word says not to be unequally yoked and this means do not marry those that are not of the same faith as you.  Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines.
"King Solomon, however, loved many foreign (NOT Jewish) women besides Pharaoh's daughter - Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, "you must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods" Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love." I Kings 11:1-2

The Hebrew definition of Love in this scripture: affection for in a good or bad way. Sexual affection for (lust).

1.  He was not trusting God to keep his kingdom secure. Some of his wives were given to him as "offering" in peace treaties.
2.  He was not able to resist the lust of the flesh (much like David, his father). 

I Kings 11:4-6 shows that these women; did in fact, turn Solomon's heart toward their gods. He did not follow the Lord completely. Like his father, David; Solomon succumbed to the lust of the flesh. Unlike David; Solomon went a step further, into worshipping other gods.

Solomon had asked for wisdom and the Lord gave him more than anyone,  with that wisdom he gained more riches and fame than anyone could ever imagine. But Ecclesiastes is his list of regrets for trading his wisdom for wealth, fame, lust, and other gods. He traded that wisdom for momentary pleasures.

"Get (obtain) wisdom and do not forget it." Proverbs 4:5. In my opinion; Solomon's wisest advice and a subtle warning from a man who learned the hard way about what comes from the pride of life and the lust of the flesh. 

One of my favorite scriptures over the past few years; one that I stand on frequently, is:  "Be still and know that I am God;" Psalm 46:10a

This scripture; to me, is strengthening and empowering, yet calming and peaceful.

The word "still" in the Hebrew dictionary RAPHAH (raw-faw) means: to slacken, to stay, to quiet, abate, cease, consume. To mend, cure, to cause to heal, repair or to make whole. 

The word "know" in the Hebrew dictionary YADA (yaw-dah) means: observe, recognize, acknowledge, discern, perceive, be sure or certain of, have an understanding of; and my favorite - familiar friend.

Quite literally; this scripture is telling us to rest, quiet your mind, and stay calm. Recognize that your familiar friend is near and He WILL rescue you! You can be sure of His willingness and ability to ransom you from your troubles and make you whole!  

No matter what you are going through, or what you have been through - BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD.  My husband frequently points out that "nothing happens to us without it first going across His desk." He knows what happened, He knows what we went through or are going through.  Our job is to pray, have faith and BE STILL, calm down and quit trying to fix it for Him.  Our job is to KNOW that He is God (our friend),  trust him and let Him work it out.

More often than not, we are the ones that create those pits that we frequently find ourselves in. We dig a hole, we cry out to God to get us out. And when He doesn't do it within our time-frame, we begin "helping" Him.  When we do that, we just make the hole deeper.  

Have you ever had an independent child that decided to cook dinner herself? You come into the kitchen and find every single dish and pan that you own, covered in who-knows-what? Food is everywhere, water is running, the stove is boiling, the refrigerator door is standing wide open - and your child is covered in a sticky mess, crying and begging you to fix it. As any good parent would do, you begin cleaning up the child, the stove, the floor, the fridge, the sink. Once you get some semblance back of what used to be your kitchen, you can start over with preparing dinner. Within minutes; said child is indignant that "she wanted to make dinner," and is pulling everything out again and adding ingredients and making the same mess. You can't keep up with her, she is making the mess faster than you fix it or clean it....

Do you recognize this child?

So does God.

My advice (and it is sometimes hard for me to follow) is: be still, clean out your thoughts, let all the negative go. Stop putting your 2-cents in. Remember? You already dug a pit you couldn't get out of on your own.  You cried out for His help. Now put your faith where your mouth is and TRUST Him.  Wait, pray, believe, let go and listen.  Listen for that still, small voice.  "The quieter you become, the more you can hear" (author unknown). Wait until He TELLS you to move. Then...MOVE. 

No “Intenten” Comprender — Sólo Perdonen, 20 de junio de 2016

“Confía de todo corazón en el Señor y no en tu propia inteligencia. Reconózcanlo en todos tus caminos y Él guiará sus pasos.” Proverbios 3:5-6

Ya dejé de cuestionar el “por qué” y el “cómo” de las cosas que me sucedieron de niña. Sucedió y fue espantoso, pero tomé la decisión de no dejar que el miedo me paralizara. No tengo que saber el por qué — lo que necesito hacer es utilizar esa experiencia para comunicarme con otras que están viviendo o han vivido algo así — ser un ejemplo de fe que vence.

Eso no quiere decir que no haya sentido miedo paralizante; de hecho, sí lo he sentido. Fue horrible y creo que el miedo fue mucho peor que las circunstancias en sí. Hacía 2 años y medio, supe de algo que me alborotó los recuerdos. Recuerdos tan reales que pude oler, sentir y realmente percibir el sabor de mis abusadores. Sí, esa palabra abusadores es plural y no es un error. Ésta es la parte dónde les digo que aquí empieza mi testimonio: a la edad de 4 años y medio fui víctima de abuso sexual (cuando menos recuerdo 3 veces) por el esposo de una niñera. Me sucedió otra vez a los 13 años por el hombre con quien estaba casada mi tía en esos tiempos. Estos incidentes me llevaron a lo que llamemos abuso sexual auto-infligido durante muchos años. Con eso quiero decir que no valoraba ni a mi propio cuerpo, ni a mí misma, ni a mi pureza. En mi mente, ya no era pura — así que ¿por qué no ir de caza? Y así lo hice ¡por AÑOS! ¿Qué es lo que buscaba? Bueno, el amor, ¡claro está!  Razoné que el acto sexual equivalía al amor, así que fui de caza para encontrarlo. No me daba cuenta que estaba llenando una maleta de mentiras, decepciones y dolores de corazón. Y anduve con ese equipaje por muchos, muchos años (mínimo una década) y francamente, me había convencido de que era un orgullo.

Ahora que saben esa parte de mi historia, permítanme hablarles sobre el miedo y lo que les puede hacer. Cuando se me volvieron los recuerdos hace 2 años y medio, sentí que me estaba volviendo loca. Hiciera lo que hiciera, las escenas retrospectivas me golpeaban como una ola tras otra. No dormí por más de 4 días, no podía pensar con claridad, no podía dejar de llorar. Tenía miedo de cerrar mis ojos y miedo de mantenerlos cerrados, tenía miedo de estar sola, pero tampoco quería estar con nadie. Más aún, me metí a una clínica psiquiátrica para sentirme segura. ¡Estaba hecha un desbarajuste! Aún después de regresar a casa (estuve en la clínica por menos de 24 horas), todavía estaba hecha añicos.  Hice mucho examen de conciencia. No podía entender cómo algo que no me había venido a la mente hacía 10 años por lo menos ya podía regresar y consumir mi mente así. Leí libros, recé, leí la Biblia, lloré y estuve como en duelo. Y ESO era! Duelo: nunca lo había enfrentado debidamente. Estaba casada, con dos niñas y cuatro nietos y era una persona cristiana; así que según mi mente — todo estaba en el pasado. ¡EQUIVOCACIÓN!

Había seguido mi camino y ya no era esa niñita asustada ni esa joven asustada y con el alma cicatrizada que buscaba amor en los brazos de cualquier hombre que me volteara a ver. Después de todo, estaba casada desde hace unos 20 años. Pero vivía en un mundo de sueños, ya que de verdad todavía estaba asustada y llena de cicatrices. Nunca había llorado por la pérdida de mi inocencia. Había llorado por muchas cosas pero nunca específicamente por el abuso que había sufrido. También había seguido a culparme (a mi manera) por toda la situación. Así es, los que sufrimos abuso siempre encontramos la forma de absorber la culpa. Estoy consciente de que no tiene sentido culparme por lo que pasó cuando tenía 4 años y medio. Es un fenómeno que he observado en mucha gente que ha sobrevivido el abuso sexual — no encontramos sentido en algo que no tiene sentido, así que debemos tener la culpa. No comprendo cómo podemos racionalizar y llegar a esa conclusión, pero muchos lo hemos hecho. Ahora esto lo sé: ¡el diablo es un MENTIROSO! Nos ataca y hace todo lo posible para mantenernos oprimidos y alejados de Dios porque sabe que si nosotros los sobrevivientes corremos a Dios…¡le va a ir muy mal!

“El ladrón no viene sino para hurtar, matar y destruir; yo he venido para que tengan vida.” Juan 10:10 (RVRVC). Puede que haya robado mi inocencia, pero ¡NO PUEDE robarme la fe, ni matar mis creencias ni destruir mi vida! Y ESO es porque nos trabaja la mente para convencernos que NOSOTROS hicimos algún mal – que de alguna manera tenemos NOSOTROS la culpa. NO! No escuchen esa mentira, ni se la guarden el corazón. El Señor nos ama, a cada uno y a todos nosotros. Él llora por nuestro dolor y le duele la pérdida de nuestra  inocencia. Dios y SOLAMENTE Dios puede cambiar el giro y darnos “la paz de Dios que sobrepasa todo entendimiento…” (Filipenses 4:7a)  ¡Qué declaración tan impresionante para mi vida! Abracé a Dios con todo mi ser y me propuse a obtener esa paz y vida abundante que Él me había prometido. Profundicé en Su Palabra — iba a vencer esta situación de una vez por todas. Estaba destinada para una vida victoriosa ¡TENÍA QUE TENERLA! Después de acabar con el luto y haber sacado todo ese dolor de mi ser, el próximo paso era reconocer que “YO” no podía vencer este asunto. Lo tenía que entregar a Dios. Tenía que dejar que ÉL venciera mi enemigo. ”El Señor no libra con espada ni con lanza. ¡Del Señor es la batalla!” (1 Samuel 17:47b) Sólo necesitaba escucharle a Él, a prepararme para hacer lo que me indicara.

 ¿Y el paso final hacia la victoria? … El perdón. Así es – dije el perdón. Era difícil y no lo quería hacer. Imploré y supliqué, todo menos perdonarlos! ¿Cómo perdono a alguien tan depravado?¿Cómo sería posible “dejarlo así no más”? Aunque en ese momento habían pasado 41 y 32 años, ¿no sería eso, como quien dice, dejarlos ir sin castigo? Me tardé unas semanas en entender que no los estaba dejando sin castigo. En realidad, estaba liberándome a mí misma de la mentira que satanás había utilizado para mantenerme en cautiverio durante años. Fueron unas semanas bastante difíciles. No tenía que haber sido así. Podría haberme liberado inmediatamente si sólo hubiera hecho lo que el Señor me pidió en un principio.

La primera escritura que se me sugerió era Mateo 6:14-15, “Porque si perdonan a los hombres sus ofensas, su Padre celestial también les perdonará a ustedes. Pero si no perdonan a los hombres, tampoco su Padre les perdonará sus ofensas.” ¡Espera! ¿Qué? ¿Eso quiere decir lo que pienso? Porque yo no he perdonado a esos hombres enfermos y depravados ¿podría perder eso yo también? ¡Ay, Señor, eso duele!  Me había estado martirizando con una mentira por tantos años y ahora comprendí la verdad. Ya me había liberado de la mentira de satanás, y ahora realmente me correspondía a mí dar el siguiente paso. Luché con esa escritura, tratando de entender “cómo” llegar a perdonar. Pasé muchas horas de rodillas. Después de un par de semanas, oí dentro de mi espíritu, “Me preparas un banquete a la vista de mis adversarios; derramas perfume sobre me cabeza y me colmas de bendiciones...” (Salmo 23: 5 RVC)

Y allí en ese momento  ¡lo hice! Les perdoné. Ya no tienen poder sobre mis pensamientos, mis sueños, mi corazón ni mi alma. Porque “Me infunde nuevas fuerzas y me guía por el camino correcto.” (Salmo 23: 3 RVC) Realmente estoy bendecida y le doy gracias a Dios cada día que me ha dado. Ya no soy ni víctima ni sobreviviente  ¡Soy un persona victoriosa!

Ok, so I have been working on this since October 3rd.  I have written on paper and then I get distracted, I can "see" exactly what I want to say, but it doesn't look right once I have it written.  I want so badly to do you justice, I want so badly to write an awesome tribute to you - but it just isn't working as I envision.  Instead, I will just write you a letter....here goes....

Irenie Weenie Poo-poo; (Hiya kid!)

Seeing you laying in that hospital bed on September 29th was shocking, but once I prayed for you I felt peace for you and peace with whatever the good Lord had in His plan for the outcome.  I almost lost it when the doctors told Paul "her brain stem has been severed and she is brain dead, you will soon need to make the decision if you want the machines turned off."  I won't lie - my faith DID waiver in that very moment.  Thank God for our cousin Jim standing there to catch me when my knees went weak and to tell me (firmly yet gently) that God is still God and that the promises He made to you would still come to pass, NO MATTER WHAT.  That I had hope and not to let go of it.

I have always loved and cherished that you are one of my sister-aunts, but never more than the last 10 months that you walked this earth.  The conversations and prayers between you, myself and Gabe.  The text messages and phone calls of your excitement about your renewed faith gave me more joy than I could ever express.  I have known and seen your "hidden" anger for years and I never knew or understood where it came from, but I always appreciated your wit, dry sense of humor (cosmic revelations), and quirky style.  Little by little I watched that anger disappear and by May, when you rededicated yourself to Christ - you had done a complete 180!  I was so very happy for you, so excited for you, so full of joy for you!

In August, when I was pet-sitting for Trish and you were so excited about a promise the Lord had made to you - I KNEW it was serious when you volunteered (insisted actually) on driving all the way to Hominy to have dinner with Gabe and I so that you could tell us in person.  I am sorry you are not here to see it, but God cannot and will not lie - it WILL come to pass!  I Believe it! 

And the last text you sent me on September 27th is ingrained in my heart "I prayed for you and Gabe last night and again this morning, I was just getting ready to pray again and God told me that He heard me, your breakthrough is on it's way. I cannot wait to see the miracle unfold."

Well, lady - you have the FRONT ROW SEAT! It is here! And I am honored that you played a huge part in bringing it to pass. Gabe and I cannot ever thank you enough for your prayers, your support and most of all - your love.

Not a day goes by, that I don't see something of you out here on the missionary field in Mexico. Whether it be our first apartment in Puerto Vallarta, where our next door neighbors had purple exterior walls, some lady walking down the street in funky clothes and mismatched socks, the cardinal that flew up in front of our truck outta nowhere (we didn't even know there WERE cardinals in Mexico!), the street dogs that just look at you wanting to be loved, or the sound of the waves rushing over the beach. Everywhere I look, God let's me know that you are very much a part of this and that you are with me.

Your faith, your joy, your wicked-wonderful smile (that I see in my memory every day), your encouragement, your strength and even your weakness - I thank God that I had the privilege of being your sister-niece.

Standing there, in that cold and dimly lit operating room as they unplugged your life support...

I just held your hand as you gasped for your last breath and your heart stopped beating......it was surreal, it was heart-wrenching. It was beautiful, it was tragic.

I will forever cherish my memories of you, down to that last moment when you left this earth and stepped into His presence.  Love, Sha-nay-nay

La Explicación de Mi ESPERANZA, 8 de junio de 2016

Me han comentado en numerosas ocasiones que debería compartir mi testimonio con otras personas — que hay otras mujeres en el mundo que han pasado por alguna o por  todas las pruebas que yo he encontrado en mi vida. Nunca me imaginé que mi historia pudiera ayudar a nadie. Siempre he tenido el corazón de siervo, ayudando a cualquier persona en cualquier forma posible. Y todos los que me conocen, saben mi vida como un libro abierto. No tengo secretos. Pero, ¿Cómo podría ser posible que el compartir mi historia pudiera ser una "ayuda"?

En los últimos meses, el Señor se ha estado comunicando conmigo sobre esta Esperanza que está ardiendo dentro de mí. Siempre ha estado allí, y a pesar de lo que me pasaba nunca se extinguió. Aún en los momentos más obscuros — momentos en que honestamente deseaba entrar en coma para jamás despertar,  o las veces que deseaba tener el “valor” de acabar con mi vida — ¿Qué es lo que me detuvo? ¡LA ESPERANZA! Una Esperanza ardiente, inexplicable. No sé de dónde venía, sólo sabía que la tenía. Y ahora, el Señor me ha puesto en el corazón la necesidad de explicarles mi Esperanza.

Tengo dos escrituras favoritas que son la base de mi Esperanza. El primero es Hebreos 11:1, “Es pues la fe la sustancia de las cosas que se esperan, la demostración de las cosas que no se ven.” (Reina Valera Antigua)

Ahora vemos esta misma escritura traducida de la versión The Message (El Mensaje) de la Biblia, “Ahora, la fe es la CONFIANZA en lo que esperamos y la seguridad de lo que no se ve.”  Siempre he “sabido” que hay una razón y un propósito para mi vida. He probado varias cosas, pensando que ahora sí estaba encaminada hacia mi propósito, sólo para descubrir que eso no era. En vez de darme por vencida, lo tomaba como una lección en la vida. Ya ven, sin importar qué tan fieles somos, todos nos equivocamos y erramos del camino que el Señor nos ha preparado. Él sabe que nos equivocaremos y sabe que a veces nos vamos a lastimar, pero está allí para levantarnos y abrazarnos cuando volvamos a Él. Nos pone los pies otra vez en el camino de dónde nos habíamos extraviado. (Y si ustedes se parecen a mí de alguna forma, podrían haberse salido del camino más veces de lo que quisieran admitir.)

El domingo pasado en mi iglesia, el Pastor estaba predicando y dijo algo que me apuré en escribir porque es TOTALMENTE  RELACIONADO con éste artículo. Dijo que “La Palabra de Dios + La Esperanza (la expectación/anticipación) + la fe = la manifestación. La Esperanza forma la imagen (de acuerdo con la Palabra de Dios), la fe actúa sobre la imagen y crea la sustancia (confianza)…hasta que se convierta en realidad. Pero tienen que actuar constantemente sobre esa fe y mantenerla en primer plano. Ayer estaba yo platicando con un buen amigo sobre la idea de cambiar el enfoque de mi blog de artículos sobre Lupus y el Dolor Crónico hacia artículos sobre la Esperanza, basados en mi testimonio personal. En ese momento él estaba escuchando un sermón en el radio y compartió lo siguiente conmigo. “En la lengua griega, las palabras Esperanza, Expectación, y Embarazo tienen la misma raíz y son intercambiables. Cuando Esperamos (algo), el Señor nos ha impregnado de lo que estamos en expectativa — como una madre embarazada que siente el principio de esa semilla de Esperanza.”

Ahora veamos las definiciones de algunas de las palabras de Hebreos 11:1, las palabras de mi pastor y lo que mi amigo compartió conmigo:

La Fe es LA SUSTANCIA: la realidad fundamental que es la base de todas las manifestaciones externas. Esto es la CONFIANZA.

Lo Esperado (LO ANTICIPADO): el pensar con certitud que algo va a suceder; el considerar que algo es razonable, requerido o necesario.

LA MANIFESTACION: una expresión perceptible, externa y visible; una demostración pública de poder y propósito

¿Esas cosas les bendicen el corazón a ustedes como me bendicen a mí? Espero que realmente sí. Pero si no, esperen un momento, que todavía no acabo. Dije que tengo 2 escrituras favoritas sobre las cuales baso mi Esperanza.  Aquí está la segunda:

“Sólo yo sé los planes que tengo para ustedes. Son planes para su bien, y no para su mal, para que tengan un futuro lleno de esperanza.” (Jeremías 29:11, RVC) ¿Ven esa palabra “Esperanza”? Esta escritura dice literalmente que Él nos VA A DAR nuestro destino ESPERADO/ANTICIPADO. No sólo en el cielo, sino también aquí en la tierra! Observen en el capítulo 6 de Mateo donde Jesús enseña a rezar a sus discípulos, diciendo “Padre Nuestro que estás en los cielos, santificado sea tu nombre. Venga tu reino. Hágase tu voluntad, en la tierra como en el cielo. El pan nuestro de cada día, dánoslo hoy. Perdónanos nuestras deudas, como también nosotros perdonamos nuestros deudores. No nos metas en tentación, sino líbranos del mal.”  ¡Esto está impreso con tinta ROJA, gente! Eso quiere decir que Él lo dijo, y por lo tanto ¡lo creo!  ¿Por qué? ¡Porque Él no tiene ni la capacidad para mentir!

Déjame compartir una versión de Jeremías 29:11 traducida de The Message (El Mensaje). “Yo sé lo que estoy haciendo, lo tengo todo planeado — planes para cuidarte, no abandonarte, planes para darte el futuro que ESPERAS (anticipas). Cuando me llames, cuando llegues a mí a rezar, escucharé. Cuando me vengas a buscar, me encontrarás. Sí, cuando me busques con sinceridad y lo quieres más que nada, me aseguraré que NO TE DESILUSIONARÁS. (Decreto de Dios)”

Sin importar donde haya estado en mi vida, ni las tragedias que me hayan sucedido, ni mis errores, ni qué tanto me haya alejado de Él, ¡Él me ama! Desde el momento en que lo acepté como mi Señor y Salvador y profesé con mi boca que Jesús Cristo murió en la cruz por mis pecados — Él me ha amado y esperado pacientemente mientras llegaba a enderezar me vida. Y me ha prometido que puedo esperar ser bendecida de una manera de abundancia (estoy bien consciente de que ya estoy bendecida), pero Él promete bendiciones más allá de lo que pudiera imaginarme. Y yo sí tengo una imaginación muy activa — así que estoy esperando algo fenomenal porque Su Palabra dice “Los que Esperan en Mi no se quedarán desilusionados.” Isaías 49:23

Me doy cuenta que esto no es mi testimonio en sí, pero sentí la necesidad de explicar de dónde viene mi Esperanza antes de proceder a contar los detalles brutales de mi pasado, Pero no se preocupen — no se lo voy a echar todo de una vez. Mi Esperanza es que esta obra llegue por lo menos a una persona. Una persona solitaria que comprenda que sea lo que sea que esté pasando en su vida…HAY Esperanza. Y Él está esperando que Le busques, que Le grites, que creas en Él, que Lo aceptes como tu Señor y Salvador, y te lloverá con sus bendiciones. Rezo que este blog les bendiga y que continúen a seguirme en este trayecto.

Freedom:  voluntary; without restraint; without cost; to set at liberty.

It is a word that has been heavy in my mind and on my heart.  I didn't truly know its meaning until the last few years.  Matter of fact; I didn't even realize I was in bondage.

- Bondage to memories that haunted and tormented me.  Memories of things that no child should have to endure. 

- Bondage to an abusive marriage, being convinced that I wasn't a good Christian if I couldn't make it work and walked away.  

- Bondage to a chronic and debilitating illness, convinced it was my cross to bear.

Believing that I was paying my dues.  All those old adages playing in my mind; "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it."  The whole This Is It, mentality.  You play the hand you are dealt.  Thinking that I could never find, deserve or have joy in my life.

How wrong I was:  Through prayer, trial and error, study and just deciding to BELIEVE - I have been liberated.  I am set free.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1  I am set free.  I can stand up for myself.  I have been given the "right" to defend myself.  I no longer have to bow down to a slave master, doing every dirty deed he demands of me.

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.  In love, he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves."  Ephesians 1:4-6  Adopted children have the same rights and privileges as biological children.  Our "adoption" is our freedom from slavery and has granted us to the right to be holy and blessed.

"The is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed and heirs according to the promise."  Galatians 3:28-29   All Christians are the same to God.  Once you become a Christian, you are a direct descendant of Abraham.  An heir to his (last will and testament) to all that the Lord promised to him.

***There it was!  The blessing is for me - so I accepted it.  Freedom is for me - so I took it!***  

If you are in bondage in any way, shape or form - I am telling you - you do not have to be.  Freedom, blessings and joy unspeakable are yours for the asking. 

The blessing is for you - FREEDOM IS FOR YOU 

(If this message has touched you or you are struggling with an issue of bondage, I would love to pray for you.  Please message me here or www.facebook.com/hopentheword you can also private message me on the facebook page.)