Ok, so I have been working on this since October 3rd. I have written on paper and then I get distracted, I can "see" exactly what I want to say, but it doesn't look right once I have it written. I want so badly to do you justice, I want so badly to write an awesome tribute to you - but it just isn't working as I envision. Instead, I will just write you a letter....here goes....
Irenie Weenie Poo-poo; (Hiya kid!)
Seeing you laying in that hospital bed on September 29th was shocking, but once I prayed for you I felt peace for you and peace with whatever the good Lord had in His plan for the outcome. I almost lost it when the doctors told Paul "her brain stem has been severed and she is brain dead, you will soon need to make the decision if you want the machines turned off." I won't lie - my faith DID waiver in that very moment. Thank God for our cousin Jim standing there to catch me when my knees went weak and to tell me (firmly yet gently) that God is still God and that the promises He made to you would still come to pass, NO MATTER WHAT. That I had hope and not to let go of it.
I have always loved and cherished that you are one of my sister-aunts, but never more than the last 10 months that you walked this earth. The conversations and prayers between you, myself and Gabe. The text messages and phone calls of your excitement about your renewed faith gave me more joy than I could ever express. I have known and seen your "hidden" anger for years and I never knew or understood where it came from, but I always appreciated your wit, dry sense of humor (cosmic revelations), and quirky style. Little by little I watched that anger disappear and by May, when you rededicated yourself to Christ - you had done a complete 180! I was so very happy for you, so excited for you, so full of joy for you!
In August, when I was pet-sitting for Trish and you were so excited about a promise the Lord had made to you - I KNEW it was serious when you volunteered (insisted actually) on driving all the way to Hominy to have dinner with Gabe and I so that you could tell us in person. I am sorry you are not here to see it, but God cannot and will not lie - it WILL come to pass! I Believe it!
And the last text you sent me on September 27th is ingrained in my heart "I prayed for you and Gabe last night and again this morning, I was just getting ready to pray again and God told me that He heard me, your breakthrough is on it's way. I cannot wait to see the miracle unfold."
Well, lady - you have the FRONT ROW SEAT! It is here! And I am honored that you played a huge part in bringing it to pass. Gabe and I cannot ever thank you enough for your prayers, your support and most of all - your love.
Not a day goes by, that I don't see something of you out here on the missionary field in Mexico. Whether it be our first apartment in Puerto Vallarta, where our next door neighbors had purple exterior walls, some lady walking down the street in funky clothes and mismatched socks, the cardinal that flew up in front of our truck outta nowhere (we didn't even know there WERE cardinals in Mexico!), the street dogs that just look at you wanting to be loved, or the sound of the waves rushing over the beach. Everywhere I look, God let's me know that you are very much a part of this and that you are with me.
Your faith, your joy, your wicked-wonderful smile (that I see in my memory every day), your encouragement, your strength and even your weakness - I thank God that I had the privilege of being your sister-niece.
Standing there, in that cold and dimly lit operating room as they unplugged your life support...
I just held your hand as you gasped for your last breath and your heart stopped beating......it was surreal, it was heart-wrenching. It was beautiful, it was tragic.
I will forever cherish my memories of you, down to that last moment when you left this earth and stepped into His presence. Love, Sha-nay-nay
