If I kill someone - the Neurontin made me do it

I find myself in a tailspin to the deep dark pit.  It's so dark and sad and angry there.  I try to pull myself out of it and tell myself that it will all work out - but the pull is sometimes too strong. 

I know it's this horrible medicine!  I hate Neurontin!  I realize that it helps some patients with pain from Neuropathy, but all it does for me is make me sad, drunk, angry, itchy and have a massive pounding head ache.  It's so bad that my husband said if I continue being hostile and aggressive, that I need to live someplace else.  It is seriously that bad!  I can't be the only person that it affects in this manner.

I told the doctor that I can't take it, that I needed to be back on Lyrica.  She said "since I don't have your medical records to verify you have been on it before - I have to put you back on Neurontin for at least 2 weeks before I can give you Lyrica." Hello?  I am also allergic to pennicilun - does that mean if I had gone in for an infection, that she would have made me take that?  (since she doesn't have all my medical records)  What a crock!

Here is the deal - I am not taking another single dose of this horrible medicine.  So, I assume it will not longer be in my bloodstream come this friday.  She will just have to take my word for it.  

Lyrica is not exactly the end all either, but at least it only makes me sleepy.  Who cares?  I don't notice the difference between "may cause drowsiness" and chronic fatigue anyway.  It does take the edge off of my pain.  When I first went on Lyrica, I took it for about 6 months and thought that it wasn't doing me any good, except making me sleepy.  So - I quit taking it.  Within a week even my hair hurt. I quickly figured out that I can handle sleeping a little more than I already do.

Ok, enough of my rant.  Now let's have a funny:

I can't get out of bed.  These blankets have accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now I might lose their trust.