I heard a great quote today, by Steven Furtick. He said, "The devil always wants to fight you one on one. Look back on your life, when you were at your lowest - you were alone. People wanted to help you, but you were in solitary." That spoke volumes to me. You know: you can be alone in a crowd of people, surrounded by family, sitting next to someone, and in a relationship or marriage. I know, because I have been there.
"The thief comes to steal and to kill and to destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10 (ESV) Let's look at the first sentence of that scripture...how does he go about this statement? By getting you ALONE. By convincing you that no one cares (no matter how much they tell you and attempt to show you the opposite). The thief is a LIAR and the author of confusion. He uses your situation to plant doubt and doubt grows confusion and confusion creates loneliness. You are NOT alone! The devil is a LIAR! When doubt comes creeping in - go back to that scripture. What does the 2nd sentence say? "I (Jesus) came that they may have life and have it abundantly." This promise is for YOU! Matter of fact; every single word in the Bible is a personal promise to YOU, yes YOU!
No matter what you have been through or what you are going through, God is HERE for you. You are NOT alone. Stop beating yourself up for your mistakes and your past. It is called the past because it is done, it is over.
Don't allow anyone to put you in solitary. Surround yourself with people that love and accept you. Sometimes this means walking away from family and friends. I did it and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. But you know what? It was also the most freeing.
I have had toxic friends, family members and a very toxic marriage. By nature, I am a pretty mouthy and sarcastic person, and I was pretty good at painting a picture of a confident, outspoken, "take no shi%#", woman. It was all a lie. Behind closed doors, I was scared, depressed, miserable, VERY angry & defiant, and felt like the dumbest woman on the planet. Because I didn't have a back-bone; it had long ago been beat outta me. (and I don't mean physically) It all began with one statement from someone that had promised to love, honor and cherish me. "You think you are so smart, but you aren't. Nobody loves and takes care of you like I do." Sounds innocent enough, right? Well, it was the beginning of constantly doubting my every thought, want, need and decision. It was the beginning of a downward spiral.
Years of being told everything I did was wrong. Years of being told my feelings were wrong. Years of invalidation and my words being twisted into weapons. Years of being praised in public and then cut down in private. And my all time favorite: years of being told "wives submit ye, to your husband." But there is more to that scripture, it also says, "husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church." Submission does NOT mean, lay down and be a rug. I did not know that for a very long time. And I only have myself to blame for not knowing it - I had a Bible, all I needed to do was read, study and pray for revelation of the word submission. <See, submission is a good thing and I cannot wait to submit to the man that loves me the same as Christ loves the church. Oh, but that is a whole other subject for another blog.>
I am an intelligent woman (book wise), but I began doubting that. I had a lot of dreams, but I began to let them go. I have loving, intelligent and supportive women in my family, but I began walking away from them. I had plans for my life, but I began to doubt and then forget them. I am a loving, compassionate woman, but I began to quench those qualities. I have had some wonderful career opportunities, but I quit those jobs. I love learning and started college with my oldest daughter, but I walked away from it. Why? Because it was just easier than standing up for myself.
I don't say all of this to make you hate anyone. I don't hate a single person that has ever been in my life. I said it all to show, just how easy it is for satan to get you alone and in solitary. And that is where he fights you one on one. He knows that if he can use someone to beat you down that he can destroy you. One less person for him to worry about, one less person that will tell the truth about God. And, in his mind, this is how he will defeat our Lord. (silly devil, read the back of the book)
Satan was wrong about me. He used people to try to destroy me, BUT GOD used them to strengthen me! I made it through and now I have many experiences under my belt and I will use those experiences to reach out to others with THE TRUTH!
Experience has taught me this: Don't waste your time and life in toxic relationships. If someone in your life only sees the negative of everyone and every situation and you have tried to show them light, then let them sit in the darkness without you (it's their choice). If you are in a relationship with someone that is jealous of your other relationships and tries to separate you from them - that is no relationship worth having. If someone only wants to talk or be around you when you can do something for them, they are using (not loving) you. Is someone makes you feel ugly, worthless, un-loveable, unintelligent, like you are walking on eggshells, always in defense mode, always on the verge of anger - leave them behind. Whether it be a friend, your adult child, mother, father, sister, brother or any other family member or spouse. You cannot fix them. You can only fix yourself. You can love a toxic person, and you can pray for a toxic person, but do it from God's side of the fence - don't be chained to them.
God gave me a vision for my life and no lying devil will ever steal it from me again! I AM intelligent. I AM worthy. I AM beautiful. And, I AM loved.
It all comes down to this: Devil you might have me bound up by chains and shackles, but I raise my voice and lift my eyes to heaven. I use everything I have and move everything I can to loose those shackles. God shakes the ground and breaks the chains that bind me.
I know now where my strength comes from, and - I AM NOT ALONE!
