"To a large degree, the measure of our peace of mind is determined by how much we are able to Iive in the present moment. Irrespective of what happened yesterday or last year, and what may or may not happen tomorrow, the present moment is where you are - always!" Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, by: Richard Carlson Phd.
This has been a very hard lesson for me to learn. You see, I am a natural born worrier. It's in my genes. My mother is a worrier, my grandmother was a worrier. My mom actually had a friend that she would "worry"with! They talked on the phone and if nothing was going on in their lives that was worth worrying about - Mom said they would just spin the globe and where ever their finger landed; they would worry about that country until the next phone call.
I love that story, but it really is pretty silly. I can't fix yesterday and I can't do anything for tomorrow.
I worry about every single new symptom that comes along (while still worrying about the ones that are constant). My legs are swollen more than usual - am I getting kidney failure now? My ankles are locking up on me - will they possible fuse together the way niece's wrist has? I fell flat on my face yesterday - will I end up in a wheel chair? I have started breaking out from sun exposure - does that mean I will never get to go to the beach again? and on and on and on....
Then I worry about how to get a doctor to take me seriously about real issues. Like the fact that my right leg has a pain that is scaring the hell out of me. My actual bone hurts CONSTANTLY, sometimes so badly that I can't even think straight. I think "what if it's leukemia?" and no one is checking it. I have had MRSA 4 times in the last year, what if it has come back, inside my bone? Or the growth in my mouth that went from a small ulcer the size of a freckle, now quadrupled in size and hangs down and catches food - my doctor wants it removed; but once again, I am at the mercy of the Indian clinics/hospitals and they won't approve the procedure. So I worry - what if it's cancer?
This is what I worry about, but it doesn't do me any good. You know why?
Because I could get kidney failure, I could end up in a wheel chair, I could have fused ankles, I might get leukemia or mouth cancer. I could end up with a lot of things, but for now I don't have any of that! For now, I just have a lot of symptoms and a lot of pain. For now, I have to take my life as it is dealt to me. For now, I am in pain. For now, I have to find a way to deal with that pain.