That we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head – Christ - Ephesians 4:14,15 (emphasis mine)
I am the classic people pleaser, the
I-don't-want-to-make-anyone-mad-at-me, the I would rather be hurt
than hurt someone else. Don't get me wrong; when I have had enough,
I will eventually “blow up.” Then I feel bad because I lost my
temper AND hurt someone's feelings. Face it. I am an enabler.
Am I OK with that? No. I am not OK, because being an enabler makes
me physically and mentally ill. I get knots in my stomach, my
thoughts go racing all over the place, I can't concentrate, and I am
constantly questioning myself. I can decide “OK, it's time to
speak up.” and five minutes later begin the inner argument of why I
shouldn't and 99.99999% of the time I back down and say nothing; or
worse, act passive/aggressively. It's called a back bone, and mine
has been minute for most of my adult life.
Do I like this part of me? No. I don't like it because it doesn't
reflect the faith, hope and trust in God that is truly inside me. It
doesn't help anyone, and it hinders my ability to minister to the
ones God has called me to minister to – the whole reason that
HopeNtheWord was created. He has shown me that I have got to get
serious and do what it takes to overcome this part of me. I have to
learn and grow in my ability to love people in TRUTH. That I can
still be a loving, caring, empathetic, and sympathetic person while
speaking truth to those who need to hear it.
I have decided to make strides to seriously remember and apply the quote, “what you tolerate is how you will be treated. What you allow is what will continue.” I have to find the balance between being a rug and dropping (what my husband calls) bombs. In my attempt to understand and apply Ephesians 4:15 to my life, I have been studying, reading, and praying for revelation and how-to's. In my reading, I came across an article that I found most helpful in my personal endeavor. The following are a few exerts from the article:
“We have become a culture of tolerance.”
“Since discrepancies about right/wrong and good/bad exist, it sometimes becomes necessary to confront someone with a truth that may be uncomfortable.”
“How much more dangerous to convince (or agree with) someone that they are innocent, or good enough, in God's eyes when in reality they are guilty and deserving of His judgment?”
“Let them know they are not hopeless...God forgives, gives understanding, and empowers us to live in His ways.”
{Robert Driskell; Speaking Truth in Love: 7 Helpful Tips; Christianswanttoknow.com; 10/5/2012}
There is something to that old saying, “the truth hurts.” When
we confront someone with truth, they may get angry, upset, or
completely cut us out of their life. We made them uncomfortable and
we in turn feel pain for hurting them. Many of us have chosen to
avoid that pain and therefore, propitiate tolerance of their wrong
doing. They get-away with it. And each time we avoid that
uncomfortable pain, we teach them that what they are doing is OK.
This is tolerance. The problem with tolerance is that it worries
more what people think than what God thinks.
A prime example of this in the book of 1 Kings. King Saul was a
people pleaser. When confronted by Samuel for not doing exactly what
God told him to do, he said he did, but the people wanted to save the
best and he couldn't risk losing any of his army. David on the other
hand, was a God pleaser. When confronted by Nathan for having
Bathsheba's husband murdered, David admitted what he had done, blamed
only himself, and fell on his face before God in repentance. David
still suffered the consequences of his actions, but he was
accountable and he was forgiven. Personally, I plan to go to heaven.
In order to do so, I must quit being a Saul and stand up and be a
David.
This applies to confronting someone with truth regarding their
personal life. More importantly; it applies when confronting someone
when it comes to the Word. Whether it be misinterpreting scripture,
adding to or taking from scripture, disobeying scripture, being led
astray by someone else misusing scripture, or tolerating abuse of
scripture.
“Now this I say lest anyone should deceive you with persuasive words.”
“Beware lest anyone cheat you thru philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.”
Colossians 2:4,8
Ephesians 4:14 warns us not to be childish and follow every person
who professes to be Christian. If what they say follows the Word,
follow them. If it doesn't follow the Word, don't follow them. Since
many words change over time, it is important to be on guard against
those who will twist scripture. As I have always told new (and
mature) Christians: bring your Bible to church, bring a pen and
paper. Look up the scriptures being read and don't just assume that
is what is written. Take notes, go home, and CHECK IT! Study and
show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be
ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15
DISCLAIMER: I am not saying if you find the teaching to be incorrect
that you jump up in service and call them out. I am saying if you
find the teaching to be in error, go to the person privately and ask
them about it. It really could be just an error on their part. We
are all human and we make mistakes (even pastors and teachers). If
you find it to be an ongoing or habitual thing, it's time to confront
them again and then stop following them. Pray first, God will lead
you.
“Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them. For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth word and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.” Romans 16:17,18
In Galatians, Paul is talking to the churches about being freed from the world thru the birth of Jesus Christ, that they were redeemed. They are no longer slaves but sons of God and heirs thru Christ. But after they have known and been known by God, they have stopped living by faith and have become content to works of the law alone. Paul admonishes them to go back to their faith and works together in the freedom and liberty of Christ thru a spirit-led lifestyle. At one time they received him as an angel sent from God, but have started bringing up his past life of persecuting Christians. He rebukes them and reminds them of the forgiveness of God, warns them of mocking God, sewing to their own flesh, doing good while waiting on God. The Galatians are in full rebellion against all they have learned, known, and seen. They are in a mess of lies, deceit and confusion. Paul says, “Have I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?” (4:16)
Before confronting anyone with truth in love, the most important
thing is prayer. I have learned I must ask Him for the words to say,
for Him to help me control my emotions, and for him to guide my tone.
This is all pretty new to me and I do not wish to become enemies
with anyone. If I make an enemy by speaking truth, so be it.
Ultimately, I answer to Him and I do believe that every thing works
for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to
His purpose. Whatever happens, I place my hope and trust in Him and
His plan and purpose for my life.
#2020vision