It's 5:26am & I can't sleep

I haven't been to sleep at all.  My mind is racing and I am STILL dizzy!  I think I am going to go off of all my meds (except my thyroid medicine & vitamin D) for at least a week and then slowly go back on them one by one.  I tell myself all the time that I really need them, in order to deal with all the pain and fatigue and various ailments.  But maybe not - I just had emergency surgery and with the exception of the iv medication for the 24 hours I was in the hospital, I haven't really taken anything.  I took tramadol (worthless) until late monday night, but I had to stop taking it because it was giving me a pounding headache.  Since then I have only taken Aleve.  I figure if I can go through the pain of surgery without taking my pain pills, then I can probably suffer through my daily pain until I find out which one (or combination of) is making me so constantly dizzy. 

I am pretty angry with the indian hospital in Tahlequah.  It's bad enough that I was there on the 11th and they overdosed me.  I realize I was complaining of dizzyness and severe hip pain, but the Urgent Care doctor only treated me for nausea and pain.  The only exam she gave me was to listen to my lungs!  The only questions she asked were if I had ever had phenegran and nubain!  I advised her of my extensive list of allergies and that I didn't think I had ever had nubain.  The next thing I knew the nurse came in and gave me 2 shots in my butt, handed me a prescription and said "when you button your pants, drop your prescription at the pharmacy and have a seat in the waiting room until they call your name."  Wow! Really?  Why didn't they keep me in the exam room for observation to at least make sure I didn't have a reaction to a new medication?????

I barely remember handing in my prescription and I don't remember sitting down next to my husband in the waiting room.  I don't remember texting my mom, I don't remember being unconscious in a waiting room chair leaning on my husband for an hour and a half.  I don't remember a nurse helping my husband put me in a wheelchair and wheeling me out to the truck and putting me in it facedown.  All I can say is THANK GOD my mom showed up and went to talk to my doctor and Scott realized that something wasn't right about the situation; Scott has seen me on phenerghan in the past and was aware that it totally dings me out, but this was totally different.  Scarey to think that the nurse was just going to send Scott down the road with me unconscious and non-responsive and I probably wouldn't be here right now. 

I don't remember being wheeled back into the hospital to the emergency room, where I spent the whole day!

Anyway - I just kept getting sicker all week.  It got to the point that I couldn't get comfortable sitting or laying down and it hurt like hell to walk.  I was dizzy and so tired, but I couldn't sleep.  Then my stomach started feeling like I had swallowed a brick, I thought I needed to eat, but every bite hit my stomack like a piece of led.  It was killing my back to breath.  Then my breastbone felt like someone was pushing so hard on it that it was going to break - that's when I got scared!  and I mean REALLY SCARED!  I thought I was having a heart attack.  I had my mom take me to the local (non indian) hospital, Saturday morning at 3:30am.  Thank you, Jesus!  It wasn't my heart!  Blood tests came back normal (for me), but the emergency room doctor ordered a CT scan, and guess what? Within an hour of the results, I was having emergency surgery to remove my gall bladder!  My surgeon said, "I have done hundreds of these gall bladder surgeries and yours was one of the nastiest I have seen.  You have probably been sick with this a minimum of 6 months.  It just wasn't manifesting itself as gall bladder pain."

I am angry because doctors treat me like I am a drug seeker.  No way!  Take a look at my allergies - why on earth would someone with a list of allergies like that be seeking drugs?!?!  I would love to have something to take away the pain without causing hives, vomiting or anaphylactic shock!  But that something only exists for me IN the hospital thru an IV drip and it is called dilaudid and I am not about to take it as a daily prescription...one of my biggest fears is becoming a drug addict!  I have seen up close and personal what prescription drug addiction can do to the most beautiful people.  No thank you!

I am angry because I can't get a referral to see a rheumatologist!  All I need is a referral to the OU Rheumatology Resident's clinic!  But the Indian clinic/hospital doctors can't give me that referral because it makes the hospital responsible for the bill.  I try to explain that the resident's clinic is FREE, but you have to have a referral to get an appointment.  The Contract Health Department of the indian hospital doesn't understand that.  So, instead I am stuck with primary care doctors who say "I am at a dead end, I don't know what else to do.  Your illness is beyond my experience and education."  And then I get dropped and have to start all over.  Good grief!  I am so sick of it!

One thing I can control:  how and when I take my medications.  I can do the private investigative work to find the culprit that is making me constantly dizzy.  I have also learned - I know my body and I haven't been with a primary care doctor long enough to trust that they do.  So, from now on when something is wrong, I will not budge!  If the blood work is "normal," what's the next test?

It's my body and I know when something is wrong, I am not a drug seeker and I am not a hypochondriac - so I will be LISTENED to and not judged to be something that I am NOT!