I recently met a young woman - she is physically beautiful with deepest brown eyes I have ever seen. A tiny whip of a thing. She has a sweetness about her and an innocent look that in my imagination could capture the heart of any man she set her sights on. She is funny, smart, and yes, manipulative. She is trying desperately to be a grown up to those who decide what "grown up" looks like. Under that whit, beauty, and innocence also lies a look of pain so deep that you can see her soul crying. You see, this young woman (I have to force myself not to use the term "girl"), has seen and been through more than most. She has been through abandonment and abuse. Those eyes hold so much fear, distrust, and a longing to love and be loved.
Slowly, I have learned part of her story - the parts that she has allowed. I see her sizing me up. I see her questioning herself, "can I trust this woman with my secrets? Will this woman judge me? Will she think I am lying? Will she care?"
She is beautiful, she is lovely, she is frustrating, she is smart, and... she is so very broken. That's all I can say about the young woman I recently met. Is it all I know? No. Is it all you need to know? Yes.
I knew a girl that held many similar secrets. Abused by men, starting at the age of 4. Abandonment by men, started before birth. Funny and smart, she had to be in order to hide truth and pain. Manipulative, of course! It's a survival skill. Distrustful - you would be too. Broken; in a million pieces a million different ways.
I knew a girl that would trust a stranger over a trustworthy person every single time. That girl had been "taught" that so-called trustworthy men would be the first to take advantage and therefore, were never to be trusted.
I knew a girl that was scared and angry. Scared of her own self, her own thoughts, her own emotions. Angry at herself for being afraid, for being trapped in her head, for being forced into a "make believe" world, at those who hurt her. Angry at the world.
This girl grew up to be young woman I recently met. She reached out to the wrong people, shared her story with the wrong people - people who used those memories as weapons to manipulate and gaslight her. She reached out because she was desperate to love and be loved.
I knew a girl that became the woman I am now. Strong in my faith that God has taken those things that were meant to destroy me and made them into a blessing. A testimony, a platform, a ministry to reach out to those girls that she was. God gave me the strength to overcome that which was seeking to devour me from the inside out. He walked with me through the storm, carried me when I couldn't drag myself, and set me upon the rock of His eternal love and protection.
It is upon this rock that I stand for those who are abused, neglected, broken, and lost. All because....I knew a girl.
