I get so tired of explaining symptoms. It becomes embarrassing - like I am looking for a "reason" to announce that I have this horrible disease. Don't get me wrong - I am all about educating the public about this disease, but sometimes it's very tiring to explain it to each individual person.
I start to fall down and try to play it off like I am just clumsy - then it becomes the big joke, so I feel the need to say "it's just something that happens with me. It's a symptom." Then I am stuck saying, I have Lupus and Fibro. It's like those diseases define me, but they don't! I am so much more than a disease. I am a good friend, funny, sympathetic, empathetic, loving and spiritual.
I have these diseases, I am NOT these diseases. I hate them! I hate that on a good day, I still have to take it easy so that I don't bring on a bad day. I hate that when I am having fun, I worry about how it is going to affect me tomorrow. I hate that I can't plan ahead.
I just have to keep the faith - I believe that God has a plan for me. Maybe all these mini-speeches are preparing me to speak in a larger public forum to educate others and campaign for a cure.