"I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him! Fear the Lord, you his godly people, for those who fear him will have all they need. Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing." Psalm 34:4-10 (New Living Translation)
This was one of the scripture readings in church this morning and it couldn't have come at a better time.
I am in a real struggle both personally and spiritually; I was questioning God's call on my life and my ability to "hear" him anymore. I have been devastated by heartbreak and what seems like failure. Yesterday, I was ready to quit. I was angry, sad, discouraged, confused, and afraid. I prayed myself to sleep last night and woke up this morning even more upset.
Drinking my coffee on the front porch; I silently asked God, "why are you letting this happen? Why can't I hear you anymore? WHERE are you?!?!?!?" His answer? "Are you going to keep listening to lies or are you going to get up and go to church and HEAR me thru my Word?" WHOAH! I heard THAT loud and clear! I had 20 minutes to get dressed, throw on my face and be in the church door; I made it in time for the first worship song -
"You Say" by Lauren Daigle: "I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough. Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up. Am I more that just the sum of every high and every low? Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh). You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing. You say I am strong when I think I am weak. You say I am held when I am falling short. When I don't belong, oh you say that I am Yours. And I believe (oh) I believe. What you say of me (oh) I believe. The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me. In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity."
In my mind I am thinking "how did the praise and worship team know? How did they possibly come up with THIS song for Mother's Day????" Well, they didn't "know," it was a Godwink moment. It was His answer to my cries. It was Psalm 34 versus 4 & 6 coming to life IN and FOR me! I am not the lies in my mind. I am His child. I am loved and I am enough.
Now, fast forward to the scripture reference: verse 4 says that I prayed and He answered. He freed me from ALL my fears. Verse 6 says that I prayed desperately and He listened. He saved me from ALL my troubles. Pay attention! It does not say that He freed me and saved me from "some," NO! It says He freed and saved me from ALL my fears and troubles. ALL of them.
Verse 5 in the NLT version (referenced above) is absolutely wonderful because it says that if I lean on Him for help that I will be RADIANT with joy! Take a look at the definition of that word, Radiant: sending out light; shining or glowing brightly. A point or object from which light radiates. Marked by or expressive of love, confidence, or happiness. Isn't that just awesome?!?!?
Am I still sad and heartbroken? Yes. Am I taking time to deal with that? Yes. Are there going to be good days and ugly crying days? Absolutely. Is this going to be easy? No. Do I believe that I will be this way from here on? NO! I don't know how, and I don't know when - but I believe the Word of the Lord. I cried out, and He heard me! He will deliver me back to radiant joy.
He says I am loved.
He says I am strong.
He says I am His.
And I believe.
