Sometimes I feel really sick, angry, disgusted and so frustrated by this sickness. Other times, like today; I feel numb by it. By numb, I mean "oh well" or "can't do a dad gum thing about it." It is just here and I have to learn to go on WITH it.
Jesus didn't heal everyone when he walked on this earth, and he hasn't healed everyone that got sick after he died on the cross and ascended to heaven. That does NOT mean that I don't believe that I will be healed - it doesn't mean that I don't have "enough" faith to be healed. God doesn't heal everyone and I have faith to know that it is not some sort of punishment. If I don't receive my healing in this life - I will definitely be healed when I reach heaven! Hallelujah!
I have been going to a new church and the first sunday that I went, the pastor came up to me during his sermon, introduced himself and put his hand on my forehead and said "I don't know what kind of illness that you are suffering from, but if you will draw closer to God, you are going to be ok."
He said "ok", not healed. That means that I will be able to bear this sickness and that God has a definite plan for why it is part of my life. Jacob wrestled with the angel and the angel dislocated his hip as a permanent reminder of his blessing. Paul preached the Word and was beaten, imprisoned and had a permanent "thorn" in his side (what I believe was kidney disease) & he received the promise. I am not near as important as those two great men of God, but I am still His child and the promise and the blessings are for me too.
So on the painful, frustrating, nauseous, mood swinging, and even the numb days - I put my faith in my saviour Jesus Christ, because he knows the plans he has set out for me.