The First Gaslight

For the sake of this article and this ministry, I will refer to the woman as the victim of emotional and psychological abuse.  Although women are also great manipulators, (statistically) women are less likely to be narcissistic abusers of men in intimate relationships.

“Now the serpent was more cunning than any other beast of the field which the Lord God had made.  And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said,’You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.” Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die, for God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:1-5

In order to understand this study, we must first look at a couple of definitions:

MANIPULATE:  to control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously.  Manipulation is the exercise of harmful influence over others - to attack another’s mental and emotional sides to get what you want.  The manipulator seeks to create an imbalance of power. This is accomplished thru exploiting the victim’s weakness and stroking their pride.

  • It is a type of lying.

  • Speaking falsely (in ½ truths) for the purpose of deception.

  • In order to deceive someone into thinking and/or behaving in a certain way.

GASLIGHTING:  a form of emotional and psychological abuse designed to gain control over the victim.  The tone of the abuser alternates between concerned & kind, to angry & abusive.  The victim is slowly programmed to distrust her own judgment, perception, and sanity.  The goal of the abuser is to bring his victim to the point of depending on him to define her reality.

Gaslighting has 3 main components:

  1. Convincing the victim that the abuse she suffers is her fault.

  2. Convincing the victim that she did not experience what she thinks she did.

  3. Separating the victim from those who support her.

In Genesis 3:1-5, Satan prompts Eve to question what she heard God say about the tree of knowledge, and asserts that her account is incorrect.  Satan caused her to doubt what she knew was true. He spoke ½ truths to her and appealed to her desire for wisdom, ultimately deceiving her into disobeying God.

The Bible tells us that Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44), and that he masquerades as the angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14). We (women) are also given a strong warning regarding manipulators and gaslighters creeping into our own lives.  2 Timothy 3:6 says, “For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts,” (NKJV)

I am in no way saying that women who are victims of this abuse are ignorant, unintelligent, uneducated, or sniveling idiots.  In MOST cases, it is quite the opposite.  Statistically speaking, narcissistic abusers seek out the smartest women in the bunch, however; they have an ulterior motive.  They begin with flattery, “sympathy,” and then love-bombing.  They appeal to our sensitive and humorous side.  Beginning, most generally with our sense of humor.  And then worming their way into our sensitive side.  Once they gain our confidence, they can begin their “investigation” into our past hurts, traumas, and problems.  Quickly snagging us by expressing sympathy through telling their own traumatic “stories,” pulling us into their web of deception.  And now, the hook is set.

For the sake of Christianity in marriage/dating relationships, narcissists will often use Ephesians 5:22 over their wives.  Submit, submit, submit.  “I am the king of this household.”  The problem is that there are some key verses here that they conveniently leave out.  Back up to verse 21 where it says to submit to “ONE ANOTHER” in the fear of God.  Spring forward to verse 25 where he is told to love us much as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.  Is this narcissistic, manipulative, gaslighter willing to die for us?  Absolutely not!  Granted, if you leave them, they will most likely “threaten” suicide…it’s part of the game, don’t fall for it.

I am not just giving you statistics here, I have learned this by experience.  I have been that woman. I was that woman throughout more relationships than I care to admit, the last being over two decades.  Also, I am not claiming complete innocence in those relationships/marriages.  I was not the nicest person to be around.  I was mentally ill and emotionally unstable due to childhood trauma.  I could hold it together in front of a crowd, but with those I trusted, I had many meltdowns, angry, raging outbursts, and emotional shut downs.  I believe the reason I became a victim of this abuse was due to my incessant need to be loved by a man and my eagerness to disclose my painful history in an effort to be loved by any man that listened to my story.  That eagerness led me to let down my guard, give trust to those who hadn’t earned it, and ultimately imprison myself in my own head.

Thank GOD, I came out of it with a much better understanding of Matthew 10:16 “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves.  Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”  It means don’t be taken advantage of and don’t be a manipulator.

If you are in a relationship that is abusive in any way, I will not say, “just leave.” or “Run! Now.” I know that that is impossible at the moment you are discovering that you are, in fact, abused. Mental and emotional abuse are tricky situations because you have been systematically programmed to believe that you “don’t know what you are talking about.” It has only been recognized by Domestic Violence organizations in the last 15 or so years.  I say this because, about 10 years into my last marriage, I went to a domestic violence shelter in search of help.  When I spoke with the counselor, she said, “well, he doesn’t hit you so you don’t have to believe things he says about you that aren’t true.  If it’s that bad, just leave.”  It took another 10+ years for me to open my eyes and SEE that, “Yes! This IS abuse and I am being abused.”

My advice to any woman who is realizing that she is a victim of this type of abuse is:

  1. PRAY!  Ask God to give you confirmation and scripture to help you hang on and depend on Him to get you out.

  2. Look for any little miracles around you.  See them with your spiritual eyes and appreciate them and thank God for showing them to you.  Mine was in the spring, I would sit and watch my hibiscus open in the mornings.

  3. Begin to look for beauty within yourself.  Find something physical about you that you absolutely wouldn’t change if you had all the money in the world for plastic surgery.  Mine was my eyes; I love the color of my eyes.  They are blue, but not just any ordinary blue, they are almost navy, with tiny little specks of greenish brown.  I would think to myself, “I have the perfect combination of my parent’s eyes.” My Dad’s were sky blue and my Mom’s are hazel.

  4. Compliment yourself for even the smallest of accomplishments.  By the end of my last marriage, I was barely able to get out of bed - I was sleeping 18 to 20 hours a day. (partly because I had a chronic illness, but mostly I was shutting down due to depression and mental exhaustion).  My compliments to myself started with the simple act of getting out of bed and making it.  Gradually I began to compliment myself on the way I fixed my hair, trying a new or made up recipe that I thought was delicious, or just getting through an hour without doubting myself.  

  5. Do something for you. Preferably something that has ZERO to do with your abuser or that he knows nothing about.  I am not saying to be a liar or manipulative.  I am saying carve out 15 minutes a day or even every other day to: read a book, watch a silly sitcom, paint your toenails, sit in a bath, scream in the shower, day dream, search out scripture.  Something you can do with … JUST YOU and even better if you can bring God along.

“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 

What does Deuteronomy 31:8 mean for you, my sister?  It means:  God is with you.  He goes before you. He won’t stop fighting for you. Don’t be scared, the God of all creation is in your corner. Be encouraged!


An Intercessory Prayer

A fitful night of sleep.  Just what the enemy wanted. 

I am in no mood for this.  I am angry and I am tired.  It's time to go to battle.  It's time to stand up against the onslaught of the enemy.  Today is the day.  I cannot put it off any longer.  I saw it coming, and I didn't "get serious" about it.  Well, now he thinks I'm lazy.  He has decided to put lies in my head, telling me that I let myself and others down, that I am not as good a Christian as I lead people to believe, that I am not good enough, and that I am not strong enough to stand and fight.  LIES!  ALL LIES!

I am exactly that good Christian woman, no, not perfect; but I am good enough for God.  I am good enough to love and be loved.  I am strong enough to admit my weaknesses, and have faith enough to believe that God will put the strength in me that I need to overcome those weaknesses.  I am strong enough to get on my knees and GO TO WAR!

I am not afraid, "I shall not fear, for it is the Lord my God who fights for me." Deuteronomy 3:22 (personalized)

"I will be strong and bold; I have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord my God who goes with me; He will not fail me or forsake me."  Deuteronomy 31:6 (personalized)

"So I will not fear, for He is with me; I will not be dismayed, for He is MY God.  He will strengthen me and help me; He will uphold me with His righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10 (personalized)

"He will cover me with his pinions, and under His wings I will find refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and buckler.  I will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day."  Psalm 91:4-5 (personalized)

All of these promises to overcome fear and promises that the Lord WILL indeed take care of us and fight for us are in the Word.  They are promises to us, His children.  Why did I let the enemy creep into my sleep last night?  Because I neglected to remind myself of the Word before going to sleep.  I neglected to give my anxieties and righteous indignation over to Him in prayer.  He cannot fight for me if I don't allow Him to.  

I need rest.  I need good dreams.  I need Him to help me.  I'm ready now.  

Father, I ask you to come into the situation.  I give to you what is yours and I accept what is mine.  The enemy is attacking precious people that I love.  I come to you on their behalf.  I plead the blood of Jesus over them.  Protect them, strengthen them, guard them, uphold them.  I pray you send your warring angels on their behalf to fight off this attack.  Guard their hearts, minds, and bodies.  Fill them with your love and promises. I rebuke the spirit of addiction.  I rebuke the spirit of self-destruction.  I rebuke the spirits and principalities of confusion, lies, destruction, condemnation, physical and mental illness, and depression.  Satan!  By the power given to me by Jesus Christ, I say, you are nothing but a defeated liar and I command you to GET OUT!  You may have whispered lies that were believed for a moment, but the lies are in the open now and you are cast down.  And I give all glory and honor for that to my Lord and Saviour, who is worthy to be praised.  Thank you Jesus for kicking me into gear this morning.  Thank you for giving me guidance and and grit to stand up to this attack.  I praise you and I glorify you and only you.  Without you, I can do nothing.  Spiritual warfare is real and I am so glad that I don't have to face this alone.  I am relieved that you will wage the war and hold me up, even when my body becomes tired and feel I can't take another step - I don't have to do it alone for you are with me.  I am on my knees, fighting.  With You, my Lord - my rear guard.  Thank you and all glory and honor to you.  In Jesus name.  Amen.

Children of My Own

I don't have any living biological children, but I have plenty waiting to meet me in heaven. That use to sadden me to the core.  I wept and pleaded with God for children.  I have an old prayer journal that was devoted solely to praying for children of my own.  

This is what is helpful about journaling:  I read the phrase, "of my own" and think to myself, Really?!  I didn't recognize how selfish that prayer was.  I was unappreciative of the gifts that were right in front of me the whole time.  I realize how far I have come, how my faith has grown.

My spiritual eyes are open; He answered that prayer long ago.  God has given me so many children in my lifetime, more than most women will ever have.  He gave me some of those children for a very short season, and I don't know anything about them now.  But I have faith that somehow they remember that silly girl or silly woman and know that she loved them deeply.  Others, God gave me for a number of seasons.  Each of them was loved and cared for with my whole heart.  Two were given to me for what I hoped was a lifetime and they will always have my heart.

In the last year, God has brought me three more "children."  They are grown women, but God has shown me that they are my spiritual daughters.  I pray that their season as my children will last a lifetime.  This I know - even if this season doesn't last a lifetime, I am determined to pour as much love into them as He has poured into me, His adopted child.  The enormity of this position in their lives could be daunting...BUT GOD...He gives me the words, the prayers, the thoughts, and the guidance to meet the challenge.  I have made mistakes already, but that just goes with the territory of being a parent.  I ask for His help and I seek my husband and Mom for advice frequently.  I am grateful to my husband and my Mom for always welcoming my newest adoptees; they know my heart and I know theirs - all are full of love for each in need of a family.

These girls are each wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, strong willed, and worthy of all the love God and I can show and give them.  They each have a struggle similar to the other, and they each have a different root to their struggle.  Though they have one particular struggle in common, the three are different as night and day.  Each posing her own challenges, which keeps me praying and seeking God:

One, I have known for close to 30 years, although I hadn't seen in 10.  She was friends with my girls growing up and spent a number of week ends in my house.  Both of her parents have already gone on to be with the Lord - I cannot imagine not having my mom around to run to and I am 53!  She is done playing games with her life, is determined to be a better mom to her own almost-grown daughter, and is hungry to learn the Word and grow a closer relationship to God.  She calls me Mama and introduces me as such.  That gives me all the feels, because she truly means it.  My prayer is to live up to the name.

Two, walked away from a life that would make soap operas cringe.  She has recently restored a relationship with her father that no one thought would ever be possible.  She has made amends with a man that truly adores and loves her and whom she greatly wronged in the past.  She recently made a decision that demonstrated one of the most selfless acts of love that any mother could ever give.  She works hard to share what God has done for her and show His love to others, while dealing with her own emotional trauma.  This lady has a call on her life and I am inspired by watching her grow.  My prayer is to be her biggest cheerleader.

Three, where do I start with three?  So young, hurt, and broken.  Deserving of being truly loved and accepted.  Learning to let down her guard and trust.  Finding her worth, because she is worthy of all the beautiful things that God has for her.  I could easily spoil her, but that is not why she was brought to me.  I was recently made aware that I was slipping into my old enabling ways and had to nip it in the bud (so to speak).  She and I are learning from each other.  I am using what I learned from past mistakes with one of my other daughters.  She is teaching me to stand up for myself again.  She is my onion - every layer different than the last.  Each layer a new and promising challenge.  My prayer is to see her truly become the beauty inside her heart.

And with that I say - Thank you Jesus for showing me that I DO have children of my own.  I am a girl mom.


,

Just a Quick Thought

"Cause me to hear your loving kindness in the morning.  For in you do I trust; cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to you."  Psalm 143:8

I can't say that I have ever paid much attention to this passage of scripture, but now that I have seen it - I won't forget it.  I have heard many preachers, pastors, and teachers say, "wake up everyday and thank God for His blessings, name the things you are grateful for."  While this is wonderful advice and also a great way to start the day; I believe that asking to HEAR from the Lord, is even BETTER!

Asking God to tell you He loves you.  Asking Him to show you His kindness.  Giving your soul (will) over to Him first thing in the morning and trusting Him to guide your steps.  Wow!  Imagine if just half the people you knew would do this - how much better would this world be?!?!?  Instead of running off a list of "things" and "stuff" that God has done for you, start the day by asking Him to just love you and then trusting Him to show you His kindness by guiding your steps, thoughts and emotions.

I know me.  The truth is, I have a constant battle within me to watch my mouth and keep a check on my attitude.  Quite frankly, I suffer from frequent, angry outbursts.  Most of the time, it isn't pretty.  I hurt people, I hurt myself, and I hurt my walk.  The last thing I ever want to do is hurt people.  I love people.  People are my people.  

I don't believe in New Years resolutions because they don't usually "stick" and/or they get boring.  But, I believe this is one thing I can do and look forward to each morning.  I already start each day by reading a daily scripture and then devotions.  Why not add asking Him to cause me to hear His loving kindness and surrendering my will over to His?  



No Strings Attached

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage."  Galatians 5:1

I will begin this article with a quick study of the words Bondage and Yoke from the scripture above.  I will start with the Webster's dictionary definitions and move on to the Strong's Concordance (King James Version) Greek meanings.

Bondage:  the tenure or service of a slave.  A state of being bound (usually by compulsion).  A captive.  Servitude or subjugation to a controlling person or force.

Strong's Concordance Greek 1397:  Doo-li-ah.  Slavery, to be a slave.  From 1401:  Doo-los.  A state of subserviency.

*Subservient = less important.

Yoke:  to become joined or linked to.  As in, a soul tie.

Strong's Concordance Greek 2218:  Zugos.  Servitude as in a law or obligation.  A coupling.

*Soul Tie = often the ramifications of having partners that you create a lifelong bond with thru a sexual encounter(s), but with whom you only have a short-term relationship with.  The bond remains long after that relationship/encounter is over, leaving you longing for wholeness.

"soul ties between married couples draw them together like magnets, while soul ties between fornicators can draw a beaten and abused woman to the man which in the natural realm she would hate and run from, but instead she runs to him even though he doesn't lover her."  [greatbiblestudy.com.  Basic Introduction to Soul Ties | What a Soul Tie Is]

So many Christian (and non Christian) women do not value themselves as holy, beautiful, works of God.  We tend to downplay our strengths, morals, and convictions.  We give in to passion and things of this world in order to "feel" loved.  We let passion override conviction; which, in turn Satan uses to condemn us in our minds.

Many, many, MANY women have been used and abused so much that we lack the simple ability to say, "no."  I see my old self in so many women - looking for love in all the wrong places (yes, I totally went there, the corny song cliche').  Hanging my self-worth on the ability to catch and keep a man.  I truly believed that sex equaled love and so, I freely gave it away.  Only to have my heart smashed to bits over and over again.  Sex only snagged them, it never set the hook.  I didn't understand what self-worth or self-respect was.  I didn't see myself as worthy of the love that comes from God.  I couldn't grasp that there is a substantial reason that the Word says, "And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." (Galatians 5:24)

I took two molestation situations that happened when I was young and used them to justify my behavior.  I was guilt ridden, only I didn't know that at the time.  In my mind, these 2 men did what they did because it felt good and they said they loved me - so, it was my fault for being lovable.  I continued being "lovable" and trying to be loved.

I always thought the the only addictions that I had were cigarettes and emotional eating.  I just (this very moment) realized that I had a dangerous addiction: men.  By that I mean, men that were not good for or to me.  Not that I am some kind of angel, or that every single moment of every relationship I have been in was horrific.  But I wanted love so badly that I stuck around for anyone that gave me the time of day, no matter what time that was.  No matter how badly I was treated or talked to, I stayed and eventually believed every lie that was dished out to me.

At the age of 45, I finally began to see the bondage I had put myself in by that mindset.  I began searching for a love within and for myself.  At the age of 46, the Lord opened a door for me to walk out of my past and into His plan for me.  The plan He had prepared for me all along.  I began studying myself and my life.  I opened my eyes and my heart to learn His truth for and about me.  I started declaring scriptures and quotes about strength and self-respect over myself on a daily basis.  I didn't believe a lot of them, but I was driven by faith and hope that those promises really were for me.  Slowly, I started breaking the yokes of bondage that I and others had placed on me. 

Three days before my 47th birthday, God arranged an "introduction" to the man that would love, honor, and cherish me for the rest of my life.  This man challenged me and everything I thought I knew about myself.  He pushed me to dig deep and keep going even when I wanted to give up and forget everything I had been thru.  Because I wasn't divorced yet, this guy refused to meet me in person.  Even after my divorce was filed and final, he STILL refused to meet me in person.  I was so frustrated. BUT GOD - was using this time to teach me 3 very important lessons:  patience, loving myself, and friendship with a man (no "strings" attached).  Seven months after our initial introduction, we met in person.  And I have learned how to be truly loved by a man.

Have we done everything right?  Of course not. Do I sometimes slip back into old thought processes and patterns?  Yes.  Do those soul ties still creep up on me out of the blue?  Yes.  Have those soul ties caused problems in our relationship?  Yes.  Do we keep going and keep trying and keep honoring our vows?  Emphatically, YES!

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."  Galatians 2:20







Silent Tears

Wringing my hands, 
I remember the days,
I sit shaking.
and no one hears
the silence of my tears.

Wringing my hands,
I remember the look,
I sit denying.
And no one hears
the silence of my tears

Wringing my hands,
I remember the landscapes,
I sit longing.
And no one hears
the silence of my tears.

Wringing my hands,
I remember the promises,
I sit disbelieving.
And no one hears
the silence of my tears.

Wringing my hands,
I remember the dreams,
I sit wondering.
And no one hears
the silence of my tears.

Wringing my hands,
I remember the laughter,
I sit pretending.
And no one hears
the silence of my tears.

Wringing my hands,
I remember the girl,
I sit mourning.
And no one hears
the silence of my tears.

Folding my hands,
I remembered to pray,
I sat waiting.
And God heard;
the silence of my tears.

#savethechildren #sharinghope



I Knew a Girl

I recently met a young woman - she is physically beautiful with deepest brown eyes I have ever seen.  A tiny whip of a thing.  She has a sweetness about her and an innocent look that in my imagination could capture the heart of any man she set her sights on.  She is funny, smart, and yes, manipulative.  She is trying desperately to be a grown up to those who decide what "grown up" looks like.  Under that whit, beauty, and innocence also lies a look of pain so deep that you can see her soul crying.  You see, this young woman (I have to force myself not to use the term "girl"), has seen and been through more than most.  She has been through abandonment and abuse.  Those eyes hold so much fear, distrust, and a longing to love and be loved.

Slowly, I have learned part of her story - the parts that she has allowed.  I see her sizing me up.  I see her questioning herself, "can I trust this woman with my secrets?  Will this woman judge me?  Will she think I am lying?  Will she care?"  

She is beautiful, she is lovely, she is frustrating, she is smart, and... she is so very broken.  That's all I can say about the young woman I recently met.  Is it all I know?  No.  Is it all you need to know?  Yes.

I knew a girl that held many similar secrets.  Abused by men, starting at the age of 4.  Abandonment by men, started before birth.  Funny and smart, she had to be in order to hide truth and pain.  Manipulative, of course!  It's a survival skill.  Distrustful - you would be too.  Broken; in a million pieces a million different ways.

I knew a girl that would trust a stranger over a trustworthy person every single time.  That girl had been "taught" that so-called trustworthy men would be the first to take advantage and therefore, were never to be trusted. 

I knew a girl that was scared and angry.  Scared of her own self, her own thoughts, her own emotions.  Angry at herself for being afraid, for being trapped in her head, for being forced into a "make believe" world, at those who hurt her. Angry at the world.

This girl grew up to be young woman I recently met.  She reached out to the wrong people, shared her story with the wrong people - people who used those memories as weapons to manipulate and gaslight her.  She reached out because she was desperate to love and be loved.  

I knew a girl that became the woman I am now.  Strong in my faith that God has taken those things that were meant to destroy me and made them into a blessing.  A testimony, a platform, a ministry to reach out to those girls that she was.  God gave me the strength to overcome that which was seeking to devour me from the inside out.  He walked with me through the storm, carried me when I couldn't drag myself, and set me upon the rock of His eternal love and protection.  

It is upon this rock that I stand for those who are abused, neglected, broken, and lost. All because....I knew a girl.  

Learning to Speak Truth in Love

That we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head – Christ -  Ephesians 4:14,15 (emphasis mine)

I am the classic people pleaser, the I-don't-want-to-make-anyone-mad-at-me, the I would rather be hurt than hurt someone else. Don't get me wrong; when I have had enough, I will eventually “blow up.” Then I feel bad because I lost my temper AND hurt someone's feelings. Face it. I am an enabler.

Am I OK with that? No. I am not OK, because being an enabler makes me physically and mentally ill. I get knots in my stomach, my thoughts go racing all over the place, I can't concentrate, and I am constantly questioning myself. I can decide “OK, it's time to speak up.” and five minutes later begin the inner argument of why I shouldn't and 99.99999% of the time I back down and say nothing; or worse, act passive/aggressively. It's called a back bone, and mine has been minute for most of my adult life.

Do I like this part of me? No. I don't like it because it doesn't reflect the faith, hope and trust in God that is truly inside me. It doesn't help anyone, and it hinders my ability to minister to the ones God has called me to minister to – the whole reason that HopeNtheWord was created. He has shown me that I have got to get serious and do what it takes to overcome this part of me. I have to learn and grow in my ability to love people in TRUTH. That I can still be a loving, caring, empathetic, and sympathetic person while speaking truth to those who need to hear it.

I have decided to make strides to seriously remember and apply the quote, “what you tolerate is how you will be treated. What you allow is what will continue.” I have to find the balance between being a rug and dropping (what my husband calls) bombs.  In my attempt to understand and apply Ephesians 4:15 to my life, I have been studying, reading, and praying for revelation and how-to's. In my reading, I came across an article that I found most helpful in my personal endeavor. The following are a few exerts from the article:

We have become a culture of tolerance.”

Since discrepancies about right/wrong and good/bad exist, it sometimes becomes necessary to confront someone with a truth that may be uncomfortable.”

How much more dangerous to convince (or agree with) someone that they are innocent, or good enough, in God's eyes when in reality they are guilty and deserving of His judgment?”

Let them know they are not hopeless...God forgives, gives understanding, and empowers us to live in His ways.”

{Robert Driskell; Speaking Truth in Love: 7 Helpful Tips; Christianswanttoknow.com; 10/5/2012}

There is something to that old saying, “the truth hurts.” When we confront someone with truth, they may get angry, upset, or completely cut us out of their life. We made them uncomfortable and we in turn feel pain for hurting them. Many of us have chosen to avoid that pain and therefore, propitiate tolerance of their wrong doing. They get-away with it. And each time we avoid that uncomfortable pain, we teach them that what they are doing is OK. This is tolerance. The problem with tolerance is that it worries more what people think than what God thinks.

A prime example of this in the book of 1 Kings. King Saul was a people pleaser. When confronted by Samuel for not doing exactly what God told him to do, he said he did, but the people wanted to save the best and he couldn't risk losing any of his army. David on the other hand, was a God pleaser. When confronted by Nathan for having Bathsheba's husband murdered, David admitted what he had done, blamed only himself, and fell on his face before God in repentance. David still suffered the consequences of his actions, but he was accountable and he was forgiven. Personally, I plan to go to heaven. In order to do so, I must quit being a Saul and stand up and be a David.

This applies to confronting someone with truth regarding their personal life. More importantly; it applies when confronting someone when it comes to the Word. Whether it be misinterpreting scripture, adding to or taking from scripture, disobeying scripture, being led astray by someone else misusing scripture, or tolerating abuse of scripture.

Now this I say lest anyone should deceive you with persuasive words.”

Beware lest anyone cheat you thru philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.”

Colossians 2:4,8

Ephesians 4:14 warns us not to be childish and follow every person who professes to be Christian. If what they say follows the Word, follow them. If it doesn't follow the Word, don't follow them. Since many words change over time, it is important to be on guard against those who will twist scripture. As I have always told new (and mature) Christians: bring your Bible to church, bring a pen and paper. Look up the scriptures being read and don't just assume that is what is written. Take notes, go home, and CHECK IT! Study and show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15

DISCLAIMER: I am not saying if you find the teaching to be incorrect that you jump up in service and call them out. I am saying if you find the teaching to be in error, go to the person privately and ask them about it. It really could be just an error on their part. We are all human and we make mistakes (even pastors and teachers). If you find it to be an ongoing or habitual thing, it's time to confront them again and then stop following them. Pray first, God will lead you.

Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them.  For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth word and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.” Romans 16:17,18

In Galatians, Paul is talking to the churches about being freed from the world thru the birth of Jesus Christ, that they were redeemed. They are no longer slaves but sons of God and heirs thru Christ. But after they have known and been known by God, they have stopped living by faith and have become content to works of the law alone. Paul admonishes them to go back to their faith and works together in the freedom and liberty of Christ thru a spirit-led lifestyle. At one time they received him as an angel sent from God, but have started bringing up his past life of persecuting Christians. He rebukes them and reminds them of the forgiveness of God, warns them of mocking God, sewing to their own flesh, doing good while waiting on God. The Galatians are in full rebellion against all they have learned, known, and seen. They are in a mess of lies, deceit and confusion. Paul says, “Have I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?” (4:16)

Before confronting anyone with truth in love, the most important thing is prayer. I have learned I must ask Him for the words to say, for Him to help me control my emotions, and for him to guide my tone. This is all pretty new to me and I do not wish to become enemies with anyone. If I make an enemy by speaking truth, so be it. Ultimately, I answer to Him and I do believe that every thing works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. Whatever happens, I place my hope and trust in Him and His plan and purpose for my life.

#2020vision







Love Like That

Love is an action word; a verb.

Love is:

A gift; freely given.

A heart; beating for others.

A life; lived in grace and mercy. 

A tear; dropped from heaven. 

A man; on a cross.

"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life  of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of Himself TO us. Love like that."

Ephesians 5:1-2 The Message Version (bold emphasis, mine)

His Immutable Word

It's 3:07 am Wednesday morning.  I awake with an insatiable need to read Hebrews chapter 6.  I feel my way around the dark bedroom, gathering my Bible, reading glasses, notebook, and the dog.  I stumble to the kitchen and flip on the coffee maker and fall into a chair in the corner of the living room.  I open my Bible and begin to read.  

Chapter 6 begins by talking about going past the elementary principles of Christ and digging into the “meat” of the Word.  It goes on to say that God does not forget our work and labors of love, and that we should remain diligent in our hope.  God made a promise to Abraham, that because there was no one greater, He swore by Himself to bless and multiply Abraham.  OK, this is all great, but what is it that I need to see at 3 in the morning Lord?  I keep reading.  Actually, I go back to the beginning of chapter 6 and start over, still wondering in my mind “what about this is so important at 3 am?” 

I get to verse 17 and I see a word I am not familiar with.  And there it is again, in verse 18; the word is Immutability/Immutable

"Thus God, determining to show more abundantly to heirs of promise the immutability of His counsel, confirmed it by an oath, that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.”  Hebrews 6:17,18 NKJV

Immutability:  “huh?  What does that word even mean?”  I grab my phone and use my Bible app to look that scripture up in the King James Version (my everyday Bible is the New King James version).  It's the same word.  I bust out my concordance and dictionary.

Webster's dictionary defines immutable as not capable or susceptible to change.  Middle English from the Latin “immutabilis” means unable to change.  

The Strong's Concordance Greek dictionary defines immutable and immutability as unchangeable, or unchangeability.

Now my curiosity is at it's peak.  I look up Hebrews 6:17 in yet another version.  The Message version combines verses 16 & 17, it says,  “When people make promises, they guarantee them by appeal to some authority above themselves so that if there is any question that they'll make good on the promise, the authority will back them up. When God wanted to guarantee his promises, he gave his word, a rock-solid guarantee – God can't break his word.  And because his word cannot change, the promise is likewise unchangeable.”  

I begin to look up scriptures that say God cannot lie.  I immediately find four of them.  

Numbers 23:19 “God is not man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent.  Has He said, and will He not do?  Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?”  

1 Samuel 15:29 “And also the Strength of Israel will not lie or relent.  For He is not a man, that He should relent.”  

Titus 1:2 “in the hope of eternal life which God, who cannot lie, promised before time began.” 

And finally, 2 Timothy 2:11-13 “This is a faithful saying:  For if we died with Him, we shall also live with Him.  If we endure, we shall also reign with Him.  If we deny Him, He also will deny us.  If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.”

My mind is now racing with excitement.  This is literally affirming all God's promises made to us!  I am on the edge of the chair just waiting for my husband's alarm to go off.  I can hardly contain myself, I have to tell someone what I just discovered!  The alarm finally goes off, he gets dressed, comes in for his morning coffee and sits down to read morning devotions with me.  I excitedly tell him that I have something different to share today.  I begin reading Hebrews 6:17-18 and ask him if he knows what “immutability” means?  He has no idea.  I begin to show him what I have been studying for the last 2 ½ hours.  He suggests that maybe I should write a blog article on the subject, I agree.  I send him off to work, while I contemplate what angle to approach an article.  

Nothing is working, I can't put it together.  I decide to walk away and just meditate on “immutable” and the scriptures that I have read for a little while; something will come to me (it usually does).  Around 8:30 am, I open my email and see something from FREED magazine.  It is an invitation to contribute an article for the next print edition.  The theme is:  “Fearless:  The Art of Living in Freedom.”  That's it!  Now I know exactly why I was awake at 3:07 am!  God's unchanging promises had nothing to do with a blog article about His promised blessings (although I may still write that article too).  No, this study had everything to do with sharing my testimony of living free from fear. 

Fear is a normal, although unpleasant, emotion.  Fear masquerades under many other titles:  anxiety, worry, strong anticipation, alarm, and apprehension, to name a few.  God knows I have faced fear, and will face it again and again in this life.  He has given me His promises that He will deliver me from or through any situation.  I do not have to live my life in a state of solicitude.  I am exempt from onerous limitations.  He has given me the tools and instructions needed to live free from any fear this life may present.     

You see, the Word says that He will never leave me, nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6).  I have no reason to fear what man can do to me (Hebrews 13:5,6).  Jesus says that He gave me peace, that I have no reason to worry or fear (John 14:27).  God will come with a vengeance to save me (Isaiah 35:4).  That He is with me and will hold me up when I cannot walk (Isaiah 41:10).  I can face my enemies because God will give me the words to speak (Jeremiah 1:8).  God loves me with His perfect love, and in it there is no fear (1 John 4:16-18).

I read a quote this morning that spoke volumes to me regarding living free from fear; “We are truly free when we know the truth about ourselves and the world.  This means throwing off the lies and deceptions to which we are so often captive.”  [Dr. Art Lindsley: Seven Implications of the Biblical View of Freedom for Our Lives; 7/14/16: Institute for Faith, Work & Economics; www.tifwe.org]

Fear is based on lies. When fear comes strolling thru the backdoor of my mind all I need is faith, and to BELIEVE that He is with me, and He will not forsake me.  I can draw from my past recollections of the hope that has always been inside of me.  I have faced many terrible situations in my life; but, I can always look back and know who was with me and who got me thru it.  When I acknowledge that it was Him that held onto me, He sent the right people at the right time, then I am able to draw strength from those memories of  hope.  My job is to call out to the one who loves me as no other.  He will hear me, and He will answer me.

That early morning meeting was a “God-wink,”  He knew about the invitation.  He knew what direction the article should be written from.  He knew I needed those wee hours of the morning to be alone with Him to learn what He needed me to know.  He knew I would see the email 5 ½ hours later and I would be brainstorming an article on God's promise that He will be with me no matter what storms may come.  He will deliver me from evil.  He always has and He always will.  

His Word is a living document and His promises never change, they are immutable.

*Update: though this article was not selected for FREED magazine's fall print edition, God's purpose for my early morning Bible study remains...to share His unchanging promise of living in freedom from fear.